Monday, March 31, 2008

What's Going On? Word to Marvin G

The world is so fucked up when you think about it. If you go back to all the people people who used to be at the forefront of the world who have gone in the last 10 years. I'm talking from top to bottom. I mean we went from Bill Clinton (who even Republicans that were hated when he was in office back then now, like history, look more favorably on his tenure), one of the best periods of economic prosperity, an erased national debt and an overall reasonably satisfied nation to George fucking Bush. I'm not even a Bush bashing liberal either, just there's a noticeable miles difference between them.

The music? It sucks now. You think back 10 years ago and it was so exciting. Like when it was so easy to be optimistic as to what the future held for music because the quality at that time was so good you couldn't help to wonder what would come next. Now it's repulsive how much more garbage it could actually get. Nobody gives a shit about music and it shows partly through record numbers.

We lost so much in the past decade it's ridiculous. As a society, we've lost credibility, culture and least we forget how we've lost and continue to lose legends that we don't seem to even care to attempt to replace. It ain't like losing people has never been a problem in the history of the world but now? the great ones aren't being replaced at the rate that they're leaving. That's why athletes come back to sports after retirement and musicians swear they're done recording only to return time after time after time.

Ain't no more upward mobility or aspirations with the youth. They're just living to survive now and society is in large part okay with that it seems. Opportunistic commercialism preys on the worst impulses of the youth. In fact, society don't even have the courtesy to give them the same lies and shitty encouragement we had growing up. No more after school specials, no more "the more you know" commercials, none of that. They're just getting poisoned earlier and being targeted by all the garbage material bullshit and fixated upon all type of shit that won't even matter to them ten or even five years from now. What the fuck happened? We went from cranking Tupac & Biggie songs on the radio to Cranking That Soulja Boy.

What's Going On? Indeed.

Webster & Jazze Pha Cooking...

What could possibly go wrong? I'm black and it hurts ME to say, black people lost. :(

Bonus: The epitome of coonery.

Obama just lost 100 votes this was so bad.

Friday, March 28, 2008

Ain't Nothing Worse..

Nothing in the world is worse than someone who wakes up before you and feels compelled to move around, carry on and act in a manner that's generally unsympathetic to those around them that are still sleeping. Sounds they make bleed into your dreams at first. You're in a deep sleep, a good dream with a handful of Jessica Alba midway through going half on a baby and all of a sudden you're hearing Soulja Boy Tell 'Em out of nowhere or a car honking it's horn or some other nonsense that has no business in your dream and slowly but surely you actually realize in your dream that you're dreaming. This is the worst. The more you get lost in a dream or wrapped in the storyline of a dream, the better sleep you get, but when you start getting wise to the fact that you're having a dream and in the midst of a fiction of your mind's creation, the end is near and Alba's lips become a cool, drooled up pillow. Damn.

Please, walk softly if you should wake up before me. Be considerate.

Common ft. Pharrell, Erykah Badu & QTip- Come Close (Remix)
Qtip ft. Erykah Badu-Poetry
Anthony Hamilton-Kwah/Home
D'Angelo-I'll Stay

Barack Obama Playing Basketball In High School

He's # 23, he wore a blue and yellow basketball jersey in high school, made a name for himself in Chicago and his name isn't Michael Jordan. The parallels are insane.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Dope Women's Basketball Players

I love basketball. Pro basketball especially and college basketball when UF & OSU are doing the damn thing, which this year they aren't thus I couldn't physically give less of a shit if I was on the Nicole Richie diet. One thing I always questioned about myself was if I was a closeted misogynist because I've never been into women's basketball. It's not like it isn't the same game, because it is, but there's certain aspects of it that aren't if you can understand that. What the WNBA has though that the NBA doesn't, never has and never will are players that I find attractive. I'm not saying the league is full of eye candy because it's not. A lot of these women are either openly lesbian in appearance, sexually ambiguous or just not my type but there are a few out there that are dimes. Undeniably. This post is just my opinion, which isn't to say it's fact or won't change in the future or can't be persuaded another way, but today as far as my eyes can tell there are three, count them three (3) women I'd run into a burning building for who play basketball professionally or collegiately. Those three being

Candace Parker

Sue Bird

Lindsey Harding

I don't know which one of these three is the dopest. They're all nice in their own ways. They appeal to different aspects of my tastes but I wouldn't be mad either way. And before someone says it I'll post it:
Yeah, it sickens me too. She's with a guy who resembles a Simpsons character.

But you know what, Sheldon Williams is a lucky dude and I'm not going to hate on him. Congratulations are in order for the guy for getting with Candace Parker. He's making her happy. Big up.

Anyway, that's how I see who the finest women dribbling basketballs are. You see it different? Let me know.

Update: For Your Consideration

Mallorie Winn

Tuesday, March 25, 2008


If you're into playing games, and I don't know if you are, than you will find enjoyment with this game for which I'm addicted to and willfully throw some (ie most) of my free time at trying to kick it's ass as of late.

Go there, play, enjoy, opine.

P.S. This is NOT a virus, nor does the linking site infect your computer. I do not play those games (no pun intended).

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Soulful Sunday

I absolutely love this picture and it's underlying symbols

  • There's Barack draped in black driving the establishment back on it's heels as represented by the white guy, lol. *
  • The white guy's awkward facial expression conveying the unease deeply seeded within the establishment as Barack moves towards his goal.
  • There's the basketball itself, red, white and blue in the momentary possession of Obama as he literally has it in the palm of his hands.

Just as the picture doesn't necessarily lead on the outcome of this play, we're left to ponder the impending resolution like Tony Soprano looking up as the screen cuts to black abruptly.

I'm proud either way.

Anyway....It's Easter. Dinner calls and I don't plan to leave him on hold for long.

Jill Scott - Crown Royal (Bonus Track)

Jill Scott - Come See Me
Roy Ayers - Gotta Find a Lover
New Birth - It's Been Such a Long Time


*Note: I'm not characterizing the white guy as evil at all, just saying he fits the demographic of "the establishment". I know it's like picking low hanging fruit "to go there" but I'm gonna go ahead and run with that*

{How awesome is it that the next president of the United States of America wears Jordans?}

The Corner Seat

Every man will undoubtedly identify with what I'm about to say because they've looked me in the eyes on the battlefield and locked horns with me in the quest of it and it's never pretty. The End Seat of the row on planes, in movie theaters, in church and every other social venue that requires being seated turns me into Leonidas from 300 every time. There's nothing scarier in the car en route to your destination other than traffic than wondering if you'll be on time and then by extension if you'll have somewhere to sit. Of course, by that I mean not just anywhere to sit, but the corner seat specifically. You know the seat that gives you extra leg space on one side. The seat that gives you absolute independence and freedom to get up and go to the bathroom freely without having to go through the act of excusing yourself by every pair of kneecaps and shoes as you try to move gracefully through the row to get to the aisle as you are almost handicapped to get cooperation to be able to go to the bathroom. It's disgusting. You piss everyone off on the way to the bathroom and just as people get comfortable again after you've left and they've forgot you existed, you've got to get back to your seat so you have to go through the whole song and dance again to return to your seat. And Heaven forbid you have to go to the bathroom more than once, or your phone rings or you get to coughing and need a drink of water or visit the concession stand because it's pretty much an unwritten rule that you've used your one grace exit and entrance back to your seat and that any additional interruptions and disturbances will cause unpleasant reactions that may not be able to be masked. People will give you the benefit of hiding their displeasure the first time around but the second time, expect funny looks or unnecessary clicks of tongues or sighs like your mother ought to send out hand written apologies to everybody in your way for ever having gave birth to you.

If you ask me, I'd much rather stand up during a movie if I get there 5-10 minutes late than have to get to the two open seats in the middle of the road. But what can you do if you're with company in the public? Sometime I wish I were handicapped so my seat would be guaranteed and not only that I'd have a quick spot upfront in the parking lot too, but instead I'm using my legs like asshole. Lucky me.

Michelle Rodriguez

I'm always baffled by the lack of spotlight given to Michelle Rodriguez. She's not the most uber-talented actress on the big screen or small screen but I kind of enjoy her works in a guilty pleasure albeit biased sense. People are really sleeping hard on the woman and I really really can't say why for sure. I've seen ugly women with admittedly cartoonish bodies (ie Buffie the Body) court the flashes of cameras more frequently than M-Rod that are overall far less deserving which is astounding. We've all heard the rumors that she's [Michelle] wild and I get all that but you can't tell me she's the first woman to ever grace Hollywood with an attitude. I can deal with that. Anyways judging her against some of her contemporaries, I was never really all that enamored with Eva Longoria. I actually see her as overrated (I'm not trying to diss you Tony, don't send Bruce Bowen to bicycle kick me in my face for being honest). To each his own. Probably the overexposure of her that turned me off. Eva Mendez is cool but I never thought she was 'knock your socks off' beautiful either. Sexy? Absolutely. Training Day was probably the first and most jaw-dropping appearance and I've respected her hustle since. Really. But as a personal choice, if you're giving me my pick of the litter of Latina/Hispanic actresses I'm taking Michelle every single time. Who do you know as attractive, that's been in Tinseltown this long, co-starred in a few blockbusters that most every "Generation Next" demographic has seen, get overlooked as often as her? I dunno, maybe someone can explain it to me. Maybe 2008 is the year though.


The REAL Rev. Jeremiah Wright Sermons & Not The Out Of Context Clips

If you've taken enough time to make up your mind about Obama and the Reverend after being given what the media spoon fed you as "the truth" then at least give me 10 minutes to show you the whole sermons so that you can watch them uninterrupted without bias or keying into a sentence here or there but actually seeing the sentences as part of larger paragraphs as part of a larger sermon in context.

Not my style exactly, I still ain't going to his church, but far less racist & unAmerican than he's being painted by a media hell bent on shoveling dirt on Obama's candidacy right now. Damn shame.

Saturday, March 22, 2008

It's Getting Cold Between Us

Dear Jackie Frost,

I think it's time we see other people. Really. It's not you, it's me. You see, I'm black. It's not in my genetic makeup to be seen with you. Couples like us don't make it through. We become social experiments gone bad. Others stare at us and point and laugh and it makes me uncomfortable. Not to mention all the awkward times you pop up out of nowhere unannounced. It's all just too damn much. And when you do come over, you don't just want to hang out like other girls, no you want to come on in, grind snow all up in my carpet, tiptoe in my bed, and generally cause me discomfort. We've been talking on and off for the last couple months and I think it's been long enough to realize that we're just not compatible. We have nothing in common. I don't even consider myself shallow but I need someone hotter. I mean I thought you were cold in the beginning, really I did but somewhere along the line our relationship got icy and I don't even know how fast to take it with you when you're that way. I'm sliding all over the place trying to find the right speed.

You'll move on, to someone else, somewhere else around the world and begin a whole new saga and forget all about me. You meant something to me, no doubt but for now I'm going to have to see what else is out there. I just need some time and space. I'll try and check back in with you later this year once I've had time to miss you and Summer starts with her bullshit. I hope Global Warming doesn't start beating up on you like he did in the past. If he does, I'mma roll up on his ass with my boy Al and set him straight. Anyways, until next time.

P.S It's damn near April, GIVE IT A REST ALREADY!

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Why this Barack/Rev. Jeremiah Wright media story is a complete joke

Every word of this is for you

In the history of the story of mankind, you may not be a sentence, a word, even a letter but in the history of my life you're probably a third of the book if not more; you're several discontinuing chapters but pieces of a much larger narrative for which my life story couldn't be possible in the absence of...

D'angelo - When We Get By
Erykah Badu Live - Searching
Pharrell f/ Snoop & Charlie Wilson (Questlove Remix) - That Girl

Pharrell - Take It Off (Questlove Remix)
Floetry Live - Say Yes

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Countering Criticism of Obama's Speech

Not even a day after fully digesting this plate of truth Barack Obama put on America's table to consume, the criticisms already begin to trickle in. I intend on addressing them as I come across them:

Why did he throw his Grandmother under the bus in his speech?

First, I disagree with the premise of this question.

I think he unravels, rather well, the complexity of the American racial dynamic by examining his own experiences and what better way to explore how deeply entrenched these issues are than by starting with his own family. By using his grandmother as a frame of reference he demonstrates how personal an issue this is for him and that people can hold very misguided opinions and falsehoods concerning others who don't necessarily look like them or act like them yet at their core still be good and decent people. He further illustrates the ability, that we all need in our reasoning, to be able to discern the troubling parts of people and look more to the inherent good in them if we wish to make progress in so many vital areas and aspects of American life. He points to our many gray areas as a nation, that we share in common, and begs that we resist the urge to rush in condemnation and use these times to set our stereotypes and prejudices on their head.

Does this show a lapse in the judgment he's touted as a virtue of his in his quest for president?

I don't believe it does. Just as it is so that you must take ownership of the words that come out of your own mouth, it's just as true you can't control everything that comes out of people's mouths around you and if you accept that then you also can't control or foresee the mistakes of the people you put your arms around in friendship before they happen. Acting as a friend it is incumbent upon you to do your best in showing your friend the error in his ways/thinking when the opportunities present themselves and direct him/her past that which is stifling their progress. You can't change the world by disowning yourself from it when it proves itself disappointing . An aspect of judgment is understanding this and allowing the opportunity to actively change minds. Just as the foreign policy mindset that Obama puts forth, you can't only talk to those that agree with us but you must also reach out to those who don't and be a compass and show them the way. I've been wrong before and I thank God for putting me in positions to learn from the backwards thinking I was prisoner to by surrounding me with good people to guide my way.

Obama's Speech: The Right Solution for the "Wright Problem"

On his controversial pastor, Rev. Jeremiah Wright, Obama opines:

"As imperfect as he may be, he has been like family to me. He strengthened my faith, officiated my wedding, and baptized my children. Not once in my conversations with him have I heard him talk about any ethnic group in derogatory terms, or treat whites with whom he interacted with anything but courtesy and respect. He contains within him the contradictions - the good and the bad - of the community that he has served diligently for so many years.

I can no more disown him than I can disown the black community. I can no more disown him than I can my white grandmother - a woman who helped raise me, a woman who sacrificed again and again for me, a woman who loves me as much as she loves anything in this world, but a woman who once confessed her fear of black men who passed by her on the street, and who on more than one occasion has uttered racial or ethnic stereotypes that made me cringe.

These people are a part of me. And they are a part of America, this country that I love.

Some will see this as an attempt to justify or excuse comments that are simply inexcusable. I can assure you it is not. I suppose the politically safe thing would be to move on from this episode and just hope that it fades into the woodwork. We can dismiss Reverend Wright as a crank or a demagogue, just as some have dismissed Geraldine Ferraro, in the aftermath of her recent statements, as harboring some deep-seated racial bias.

But race is an issue that I believe this nation cannot afford to ignore right now. We would be making the same mistake that Reverend Wright made in his offending sermons about America - to simplify and stereotype and amplify the negative to the point that it distorts reality."

This is almost entirely unchartered territory among unsailed waters even amidst a candidacy that was anything but probable. Really, when I say you'd have to go back to 'I Have a Dream' to find an exhibit of unabashed honesty and authenticity to match the speech given by Obama it's not hyperbole. His eloquence, his dignity and his inward examination have prepared him well through his journey to touch upon so many truths and so many unbreachable subjects that have been so historically buried and undisturbed and honestly -- no one else could have made this declaration. One who seeks to unearth the dichotomy between being the nationalist that births a love of all that is of America yet is also confined and chained to an ethnic label/race that forms and molds how you're supposed to automatically view others of your country which often unconsciously leaks a bias in your reasoning when evaluating larger issues need look no further than this speech.

The man, facing impossible doubts about his character and judgment, reaffirmed to people ready to jettison his campaign those same qualities that led them to his corner. Obama spoke about perceived injustice being the motivation that drove his pastor into delivering the disagreeable and contemptuous sermons being played in continuation and about how his Reverend was from a different generation who lived through a different set of realities, unique and distinct, to his evolution of thought. However, the reality is that the hands of justice always have and always will move quicker to condemn then set things right. What was impossible for Jeremiah Wright, became more possible for Barack Obama and will become even more possible for the generation of his children and my children and the children of so many hopeful to erase the borders of division that permeate throughout society and hold people to seeing enemy in their brothers and sisters and not partner in a shared plight. Obama further demonstrates a worldliness that seems absent or at least lies dormant in the presentation of his contemporaries.

He's a layered being, as his very genetic makeup would suggest he would be. People really need to concentrate on this fact and stop being distracted by agenda led news makers and propaganda machines that seek to blur that glaring difference between him and the others.

I just hope the media will credit him as fast as they discredited him for comments that he himself never made but has had to answer for and hold accountability on the basis of.

More Later...

Monday, March 17, 2008

For Your Consideration

I give you one, Nona Gaye, daughter of late soul singer Marvin Gaye, most notably Muhammad Ali's second wife in Ali and Zee in The Matrix Revolutions & Revelations. Damn, she's fine. I predict she'll be getting her due amount of shine very very soon. Here's to getting that ball rolling...

Yeah, I thought the same thing after seeing these pics myself. And yeah since it's pretty obligatory you listen to a good R&B song after seeing/thinking about/hanging out with a dope ass chick you're feeling. This one's one me:

Jon B. - Calling You

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Soulful Sunday

When I was a kid I always looked forward to the days when Mom made breakfast for dinner. I could never explain why that was but it was. I remember very distinctly that if it wasn't a school day that I wouldn't be in any hurry to wake up early to get breakfast. I always chose the sleep over the breakfast during the summer or on the weekends or holidays which is weird when you consider how much I looked forward to bacon, eggs and sausage for dinner like it was something different than what mom made in the mornings. Breakfast is a compromise you give your body for waking up earlier than you otherwise would. Compromise is good when conflict needs to be resolved but if you actually have the choice between rest and pancakes, always always always choose the rest. You sell yourself short if you roll with the breakfast. It's like chasing women instead of chasing money. To quote Curtis Jackson 'Get Paper, They Come With The Shit'. Not suggesting I'm any sort of sexist or misogynist but he may have a point there. Money is useful to have or at least as useful as sleep may be in keeping your mind focused on attaining what you chase or work towards during the day. After all, you could get a solid 8 house of sleep and be fresh as a daisy and sharp as a tack and figure out a way to get breakfast too. use that awareness to figure out a way to get breakfast at some point in the day.

Always chose the sleep.

Unless of course it's when it's a Soulful Sunday. Choose the music. Don't sleep.

Raheem DeVaughn - Breathe
Darien Brockington- Come On Over
Vikter Duplaix - Nothing Like Your Touch
Conya Doss - Sixth of June

Be Inspired

Damn this is a good video.


Friday, March 14, 2008

What Does Winning Look Like?

Simple question.

Would winning quantify as having her up under your arm piece?

LOL, cheap way of injecting more Amanda Diva into a post. I know. But I promised more a while back and you'll find I keep my word when I can. And to answer my own question, this is most definitely winning. If you're at a BlackJack table and you look down at a hand that even somewhat resembles an Amanda Diva, you push all your chips to the middle of the table. It's a No-Brainer.

Can winning be born out of bringing great music to people who might otherwise have missed it?

Azur ft. D'angelo - Love Is So Cold
Lauryn Hill - Just Like Water
Blulight - Sex Is On My Mind
V- Pretty Baby

I'd like to think so or else I've been wasting my damn time. LOL

Perhaps these points are contentious but what isn't contentious is what winning is not. Winning is not fracturing the party in a year where losing shouldn't even be a considerable option for the Democrats just for the sake of winning the party nomination only to ultimately lose the battle versus John McCain in November. Winning is not conceding the black vote to Obama and then allowing surrogates to plant the seed of an imaginary racial choice to the remaining 70% white vote and appeal to the tribal divides of people to cut into Obama's vote because all other measure's have failed. Winning is not allowing for this kind of divisive tool to be waged by people who represent you and then not publicly disavowing this kind of talk until you've garnished full advantage of it's racial benefits after two days and the news tide is now calling you out on it. No that is not winning, it's not even gamesmanship. It's something more sinister that can't even be recognized as within the rulebook of any sport. While it's indiscernible that the Clintons are not racists it's clear that they'll use whatever combination they can use to open Obama's safe and subtract from his flock, even if this includes imploring racial quotients.

This is not winning. This is losing and not having the decency or honor to concede the contest before the score chimes in with the buzzer at the end of the game. This is looking up and realizing the deficit is too large to overcome and the opponent is moving to the next round of the playoffs but you're deadset on a few dirty plays here and there, venting your frustration. This is maybe injuring a player or two from the team in a way of saying if I'm going down I'm taking you with me.

This is not what winning looks like. John McCain is winning and if John McCain is losing, what is undeniable is we're losing.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

In the meantime, in between time....

Some good music to get you through your mid-weeks.

Erik Robertson feat. Algebra Blessett - Iluv2much
(Please please don't sleep because you don't recognize the name. The song is crazy! Give it a listen)
Raheem DeVaughn - You
Jon B. - What In The World
Gil Scott Heron - We Almost Lost Detroit
Gil Scott Heron - Peace Go With You Brother
Jack Herrera - For You
(Jon B's Group, him on the main vocals. Good shit)
As always these are just samples and here at HAWO we ask that you look into supporting these artists and buy the accompanying albums.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Absolute Gutter Politics

"I don't understand why you gotta take something that's perfectly good and mess it up..."-Frank Lucas

What Hillary and her surrogates and flunky losers are doing is tantamount to what this scene depicts. They're stepping all over the good dope the Democratic Party espouses and labeling it under the umbrella "Progressive". I've got a problem with that. In the most latest incident last week, Geraldine Ferraro, the first female vice presidential candidate and a fundraiser for Hillary Rodham Clinton inferred Democrat Barack Obama only achieved his status in this presidential campaign because he's black. "If Obama was a white man, he would not be in this position," Geraldine Ferraro told the Daily Breeze of Torrance, Calif., in an interview published last Friday. "And if he was a woman (of any color) he would not be in this position. He happens to be very lucky to be who he is. And the country is caught up in the concept."

Ummmm, no.

She of all people should know that sticking out from the pack and not looking like everyone else works counter progressive towards the ends one is trying to achieve most times in life. To the point of her statement, I don't doubt there is a certain block that is voting for Barack because they favor the narrative of America overcoming her historical prejudices and actually electing it's first African-American president. No doubt about that. I'll concede that point, but you want to tell me that there isn't a sizable population that still permeates in society that could never bring itself to even consider Mr. Obama, for all his excellent foresight, credentials, soaring oratory, intelligence and capability simply for that same reason -- that he happens to look more like me than them? There's no imperial data or evidence to prove either way which one of those groups is larger and more prevalent in this voting cycle so I'll stop just short of offering my guess but it seems to me the fact that this is even being brought up means we've lost as a party and that being liberal means something far more different to me then older more quote en quote "seasoned and experienced" Democrats. Then again, what do you expect? I mean you can go down the list of the Clinton campaigns greatest hits and see familiar tunes equally as offensive or worse:

  • The suggestion that Barack Obama was part of a drug ring earlier in life by Robert "I created BET to appeal to black people's worse instincts and pigeonhole and poison the outlook of black youth" Johnson
  • The suggestion that Barack Obama parties, rolls with, gets down with, is in bed with "slum lords" in Chicago - Hillary
  • Barack Obama is Jesse Jackson - Bill Clinton
  • The non-confirmation/opinion, maybe-he-is-maybe-he-isn't, statement by Hillary on 60 Minutes a few weeks back about whether Barack was a Muslim
  • The mysterious pictures that have been attributed to the Clinton Campaign that show Barack dressed in traditional attire of the African country he visited in 2006 that surfaced last month.

The list goes on and on, trust me...

These are not the hallmarks of real liberals. These are Republican/Karl Rovian style insults and xenophobic smears.

This is not the party that's supposed to be on the same side of the street with people that would hurl this kind of an attack. I would expect this from Rush Limbaugh or Bill O'Reilly; I wouldn't bat an eyelash if I saw this on TV from Ann Coulter, but from The Clintons? The Clintons that have been the standard bearers of the party for which I have stood up for since I was in high school? What's worse is that this kind of behavior may ultimately end up being rewarded by giving the nomination of the Democratic Party to one Hillary Clinton , cementing in my estimation and the minds of thousands of like-minded cynics, that the two major parties of the United States have no real underlining substantive difference between them. Moreover this should and probably will result in the death of whatever resurgence or peaked interest they might have been enjoying recently as a result of the RNC's near decade long streak of mismanagement, incompetence, and fouled up execution.

This is weak. Real weak. And if weakness is going to be the mascot of the Democratic Party in November and not just a riff conservative commentators echo about us in public then I'm done with it.

The Laws of the Bathroom Pt. 1

In most aspects of life, proper decorum is dictated by the majority through societal norms & public submissions. People always say that if you don't know what to do, just blend in and do what everybody else is doing and that way if it's wrong then they can't arrest or blame everybody. Nowhere is more true than the highway. I know it's fairly mandatory for me to find the dude or conga line of cars going the fastest speeds and then blending in with them and therefor I'm not doing too much of the extra extra stuff that would draw the ire of a highway trooper that would love to write me a ticket. Pops always told me that the police will usually give the benefit of the doubt to you when you stay within the flow of the traffic. Now if the highway is full of old ladies and 16 year-olds then I'm probably going to be rolling a little closer to grandpa then Dale Earnhardt Jr. speed. The point remains, the public legislates what's normal and what's not.

However there are certain miles where individuals must walk by themselves and lose the comfort of acting in conjunction with the group. It's in these times where the lines of acceptable behavior are the blurriest. It is then when we must chart our own path and be steadfast in our judgement. Most chiefly of said times is the restroom. It can be a very scary place to find yourself because of it's lawlessness. At home, there are unwritten codes mom and dad have laid out since as far back as you can remember, like stop the toilet if it runs. Don't leave the toilet paper roll empty. Don't leave piss on the toilet when you're done. Get that courtesy flush cracking when you're done. I could go on and on. Some of these things may be foreign to you as rule varies from household to household. You can even call some of them silly but at least it's an ethos. When you use public facilities it's Wild Wild West up in that piece.

So it occurs to me, we need a certain degree of law to adhere to in there. Me being the opportunist I am, I figure why not make a rough draft and so I have. I'm a Biggie fan so to pay homage to him this week I'm gonna call these The 10 ButtCrack Commandments:

1.) Flush The Toilet - This one should be self evident, but you'd be surprised at how little this is followed. I know you're proud of your urine or your gift to the porcelain god as any toddler would be, but keep that nasty shit between you, God and the whichever hole that stuff is coming out of. I've got this thing right, where I go to piss, and it's the damndest thing that I want clean clear water staring back at me. I know, crazy right? I'm just funny like that. Just the thought of splashback from someone else's liquids splattering my jeans upsets me. Plus it's unseemly to mix urine samples with another. Something just ain't right about that. I don't care if it's a stranger, my best friend, my father or anybody! This is mostly a urinal issue but stalls can get fairly flagrant too. Flush the damn toilet. I'm not asking you to draw up a plan to get the troops out of Iraq. You can do this.

2.) If you see someone in a stall, door closed, paints around their ankles and their dropping The Brown Album be a grown up. Don't giggle like a school child. If the giddy feelings start to overtake you, walk out so neither of you lose pride. I'm a germaphobe to the fullest and I don't use public toilets to drop deuces but I can't tell you how often I've seen others overlook this simple respect. Poop. We all do it.

3.) There's a sanctity of the bathroom that ought not be the center of conversation between co-workers. I don't want to hear all the gossip about whose in the center stall doing work. That doesn't peak my interest and it shouldn't peak your if you've got a High School diploma or GED equivalence. Unless you're Larry Craig, the bathroom stall should be like Vegas in what happens there should stay there.

4.) The one stall/urinal space rule isn't a myth or comedy routine. It's real and ought to be upheld at all times. You shouldn't be all up on anyone in the bathroom. It isn't the club.

5.) Parents ought not bring their opposite sex child in the bathroom with them. It embarrasses, you, me, the kid and everyone else around. I'm saying this as a victim of shopping with my mother as a kid. I'm speaking from experience here. I've been on the wrong side of this scene and it ain't pretty, it ain't charming, it's just you, your little bladder shy wee-wee, your mother standing outside the stall encouraging you to hurry up and a room full of grown women. None of this goes together. None of these actors are right for this movie. It's not cute and it's not funny. Everybody loses. So I think either both parents should do the shopping thing together so if either sexed kid had to go, they'd feel comfortable with their prospects or if you're flying solo with your child and somebody has to go potty and you and your child's parts don't match, you or him/her need to hold it.

This is To Be Continued....