Billy Mays Hasn't Even Been Dead A Month Yet and...

...the most God awful new products are hitting the infomercial circuit. I saw this the other night and lost it at how bad a product this is. Disgusting.

A Letter To Stevie Wonder About His Hairline From a Concerned Fan

I did not write this letter. I do not purport to have been the genius to have thought of this but I can't front because I wish I did. I mean we all think it when we see him and to that end we all privately discuss the topic with friends but when we're in public settings we ignore the issue and try and be polite and diplomatic like we don't notice it. Avoiding Stevie Wonder's hairline is like ignoring someone whose musty or whose breath stinks and in close proximity and not wanting to offend . Well the gloves are coming off and Stevie needs to hear the straight dope and I'm glad my man over at Bozack Jenkins had the guts to say what we all wanted to aloud and the diction to put the words together just right....So here it is folks...A letter to Stevie and his hairline....warning this is NSFW and should be read in that spirit

Dearest Stevland Hardaway Judkins,

You are that nigga, twice.

In fact, you are the alpha nigga that all of the rest of us inferior, mortal niggas aspire to be like.. (well, outside of the whole walking into walls cuz you're blind thing.. I'm assuming you probably fuck the ugly groupies too, huh?).. your name is synonymous with the type of success even Kanye would've sniped his own mother for.. you have more hit records than I have years on planet Earth.. you have the adulation of millions of people, and have single handledly influenced more pregnancies than Shawn Kemp.. you have attainted a level of sonic diety that will never be duplicated by man, woman, or Milli Vanilli..

If Juelz Santana is truly the embodiment of crack in the flesh (AYE!), then you, Stevland (AYE!), are the human embodiment of God himself..

You didn't create the world in seven days, but you were the architect behind music that will survive just as long as the very planet it was created on..

Take a bow, Mr. Judkins.. You truly are that nigga twice.

But alas, even God's fall from grace, and on those rare occasions, are capable of discovering fault within themselves.. imperfection is the curse of man that tragically, some God's are unable to abstain from.. and since I'm unable to leave this task to the mirrors in your home due to your loss of functional vision, I will take it upon myself to share with you the truth..

The charade must end, dearest Stevland.. it's time.

You see (actually no you don't, my bad), your lack of sight leaves you at the mercy of your peers, and clearly those same "allies" are on a mission to embarress you & assassinate your public image as covertly as humanly possible.. when you smile for the cameras, little do you know these common mediums of digital photography are not only recording the happiness you bear within that legendary grin, but the tragedy continuing to transpire above your eyebrows..

Stevland, you have more Grammys than you do hair follicles.. your hairline and my virginity share the same experation date.. if your stylist would be as malicious as to dress you in a tan suit, you'd resembe Lt. Worf to the T.. your name will be on the marquee in the next Aliens Vs. Predators sequel.. allow me to express the severity of the situation through means I'm sure you can identify & relate to:

"All I Do" is get distracted by your forehead, Stevland.

The "Ribbon In The Sky" fell off a cloud and is hanging on for dear life on the back of your head & neck, Stevland.

You are the victim of a "Part-Time Lover Hairline", Stevland.

"Yester-Me, Yester-You, Yester-HAIR", Stevland.

Mr. Judkins, it's time.

For a mere $12 I can put you in contact with a certified hair care technician who can rid you of the shame and complete & utter lack of dignity clinging on for dear life north of the back of your neck.. and for an additional $2, I'll even have him line up that fucked up pube-stache you've been rockin' since like '73.. you may balk at the price, but don't consider it compensation, consider it an investment into your own peice of mind.. aren't you tired of your doo rag laughing manically at you as you go to cover up what's left of your braids every night?

Stevland, unlike those parasites in your corner, who have you sign legal documents you can't even read and fuck all the dope groupies while leaving you with the Sheneneh-esque crumbs, I am genuinely looking out for your best interests; both as a fan, and as a man.. I understand it's common for most older gentlemen to brave the riducle and do what they can to salvage their hair, but when your hairline becomes parallel to your ears drums, I am left with an intervention as my only recourse..

I'm doing this because I love you, Stevland.

I beg of thee.. please.

Don't be the next contestant on that Summer Jam screen.

I can save you, Stevland, but salvation lies in the hands of a barber.. please, allow him to cut that shit off, and allow yourself learn to love life again..

You've carried the cross long enough, friend.. allow me to serve as your savior.

Sincerely,
The Incomparable Bozack Jenkins

Pure genius.

Wesley Snipes Goes To Jail Cartoon (Voiced By Comedian Patrice O'Neal)

LOL @ this. Although it didn't start getting really funny until about the 2:00 mark. Just be patient. (You know damn well you ain't doing shit anyway so press play).

Where Are They Now: Steve Francis

(LOL @ me looking at this pic and thinking Steve's arm was hers. Big wide ass fingers and shit. I was about dumb out on her for having Ninja Turtle hands.)

The hell happened to Steve Francis? Damn. 32 and washed up and smoked up. I swear great basketball players of the last generation used to be great into their mid-thirties and didn't start declining until their late thirties. Meanwhile Iverson, Marbury, Francis, Antoine Walker all stink and nobody wants them or has wanted them really since they were thirty. Football players lasted longer than them and they're professional crash dummies for a living. Jesus, Brett Favre's arm is held together by a piece of bubble gum and chicken wire and people still fly to Mississippi to coerce him out of retirement and he's like 50 and these cats can't get a run in at the local Y. Shameful. I'm mad Steve Francis won't change his game and I'm mad that he looks like K-Ci or JoJo, whichever one that weighs like 95 pounds and has the noticeable drug problem.



Sad thing is that Memphis Grizzlies didn't even want Antoine Walker or Steve Francis in the past year. Now that's saying something. The Los Angeles Clippers are who the Memphis Grizzlies want to be when they grow up. The Grizzlies are so bad Canada didn't want them and there ain't shit to do in Canada at all. Kurt Angle (while in Vancouver) famously joked: "In Canada, you can't even have a barbecue in your backyard without being attacked by a moose or even a grizzly bar. Then again the Grizzlies don't beat anyone here in Vancouver, oh it's true, it's true." The Grizzlies need bodies like the Army needs bodies and THIS is the squad that felt Walker and Francis were below them?

Yall dudes, man I swear.

Funniest Video Of The Month: The New Suge Knight Night Light Commercial!

ROTFLMAOGIPTNPTMTAWTPTUKTITSASCST!

(Rolling On The Floor Laughing My Ass Off Getting Up PileDriving The Nearest Person To Me Through A Wooden Table Picking Them Up Kicking Them In The Stomach And Stone Cold Stunning Them)

Louis Farrakhan On Michael Jackson Before He Died [Very Compelling Video]

I'm not going to act like I was a huge Michael Jackson fan while he was alive but I have come to understand Michael a lot more recently when I put his life in perspective and took a step back and viewed his perceived eccentricities. This video is Louis Farrakkhan who admittedly isn't my favorite person in the world for many many reasons but what he says in this video is very very interesting and worth your time to digest the sum of his thoughts about Michael and him addressing the nature of Michael's perceived freakish aura. So at least watch the video, then tell me if you think differently afterwards...

LOL, Upon Further Review Obama Isn't Near The Ass Man President Sarkozy Is...

That dude is totally shameless. My dude is 'Ain't no shame to my game' status.

Tim Duncan Drinking a Bad Bottle of Gatorade

LMAO! I've had to run this one back at least a dozen times today.

Updating An Earlier Story Of Kobe Clowning LeBron @ His Basketball Camp, We Have Video Confirmation LMAO!

You have to fast forward to the end to hear the now famous Kobe line "I don't get dunked on at my camp" like but it's certainly worth the price of admission to watch the whole video instead of skipping to the 6:00 mark to hear it.

I hate to say it but Kobe is becoming more likable (pause) by the day. I can't lie.

Original story can be found here if you don't feel like scrolling down to the text a few posts below.

Download The New Seth McFarlane "Cleveland Show" First Episode Before It Airs

I'm not even the type to do things like this but a little birdie passed a link along to me to preview the new "Family Guy" spin off before it's scheduled air date of September 27. I'm a Family Guy fan so this is right down my alley.

Episode Synopsis:

Cleveland Brown moves with Cleveland, Jr. from Quahog, Rhode Island to his hometown of Stoolbend, Virginia to reunite with his high school girlfriend.

Download HERE


Enjoy...

(Note: I didn't up this one, so I won't take credit for it. I'm just providing the link that I got. )