Thursday, June 25, 2009

Black People Casting Shame Amongst The World Again

This is absurd. I'm so past embarrassed. :(

Jamie Foxx Impersonating Prince/John Legend/Lil Wayne/Terrence Howard/Luther Vandross + Bonus

Just a little something to break up the monotony of the work week for you guys. This is one of the BET Awards Show Scraps from the cutting room floor I suppose Jamie Foxx recorded. Very funny.

(Click the number 2 below)


Jamie giving a speech to Al Pacino a few years back at the AFI Tribute to Pacino. Some might have seen it. I think I had already seen it too but it had been a little while and so it was like watching it all over again when I checked it out earlier so from me to you. Watch and laugh...

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Tuesday's Top Ten: Corniest Caricatures On The Internet

Okay, if you've ever been a member of internet message boards or even lurked on a message board or two in your time this list will make sense. These are the most loathsome creatures on the internets as far as I see. Most people will find this funny and if you don't then you're probably one of these guys on this list if not a full manifestation of 3 or 4 of these guys.

Onto the list...

Get Personal With a Screename Guy - We all know a guy or two who gets all worked up and tries to set up an encounter with someone they don't know because their feelings were hurt and its always corny. Then there's the people who talk about children and mothers and family members and go all disrespectful to try and come across as the bigger douchebag and that's equally corny. I've never had to resort to calling someone's dead mother or newborn child something because I had a beef with anybody on the net and if you have to do that seek help. The internet isn't real and you're reaching way too far to make it real.

I Got 150 posts and 147 Of The Were From Arguing Guy - This guy doesn't back down under any circumstances. His mother's funeral could be going on in an hour and you just know that if you say something else to him, he'd tell the family that he'd meet them at the church even though the family limo is out front. He'd be still going back and forth with the internet decked out in his suit with the jacket on the bed, rolled up sleeves, ready to go in because that guy doesn't lose an internet argument. He's a warrior and it's just that serious to him. I mean this guy doesn't even go to sleep if he's in the midst of an argument because no matter what he will have the last word. In his mind he can't let the fight go to the judges card overnight after you've both said your peace. No this guy will sacrifice sleep and if he's got a girlfriend, which I doubt, he'd sacrifice the sex too. Because that's what champions do and this guy if nothing else is all about the 'W'. If there's a power outage, he's got a backup laptop. If there's no juice in it, he's got a iPhone to argue on. If that's broke as a last line of defense he's got the friend with computer and don't think he won't break the glass to get to that fire extinguisher. That's who this guy is.

I'm Only Online For The Sex Guy - This character is not an internet geek, he's just a geek who in his mind just so happens to be on the internet. There's a difference. He just gets girls exclusively online. Not that he doesn't get them in real life because of course he does. Just ask him. It's just easier and less time consuming to just add somebody as a friend, go back and forth on each other's wall trading notes, finally getting the number, working up the nerve to call said girl only to repeat earlier back and forth conversations only this time over the phone instead of the internet. Everybody has their goals on the internet and this guy is just clear about his objectives and you should respect it. He's Pepe LePew with a laptop.

I'm Cooler Than Everybody Else Using The Computer Guy - This guy is probably the worst of the worst because he's every arrogant person you've ever met in real life all rolled into one and to make matters worse he's got the anonymity of a screename so he's got the prick knob turned all the way up even more so than he does in real life because you don't know him and never will and he knows it. This guy thinks everything you ever do or says is irrelevant and everything about him is relevant and he's not afraid to tell you either. He's all about himself. If he listens to it, it's great music and if you don't, then stop breathing and collapse to the ground and die. And if it isn't too much to ask, make sure you fall in a hole so the graveyard doesn't have to do much. Actually that may be too much, I mean contrary to most people's beliefs he thinks everybody should have an opinion, just make sure that your opinion and his opinion look alike though before voicing it and I'm not talking just brother-sister alike but twin brother-sister alike. If this guy digs a song, it better be your ringtone. If he hates an album you better have photos on your blackberry of you taking a shit on it after you've burned it, used the ashes to roll a blunt with it, smoked it and put it out with your shoe on the ground.

Tough Guy - He's similar to 'Get Personal With Screename Guy' but this guys more of a fighter. If you piss this guy off the least you're going to get is an asswhooping. That's the minimum. The most that will happen to you might be death. This cat might bring the desert eagle to your door and go Tony Soprano all over you and your family. You don't want to piss off this guy. Lest you do, don't give him any information about yourself or he's likely to go Liam Neeson on you in "Taken" and hunt you down. He's been to jail and he'd love to and wants to go back.

Give Me Attention Guy- He'll act like he's crazy and he's not all their and that he lives an unorthodox life and he's done everything that you haven't but he hasn't done shit. He wants attention and he'll do anything and say anything to get it from you because real life deprived him of it completely a long time ago. There are walls worth watching more than him.

Contrary Mary - Whatever you say, he's going to say the opposite. No matter what position you take, he's running counter that. This guys running an internet playbook loaded with trick plays and gadget plays designed to piss you off. If you say its sunny outside he'll call you a blind idiot and say that it's night. You say the sky is blue, he'll swear by green. I wouldn't even be surprised if you told him that his mother was a fine, upstanding model member of the community that he would just tell you that she's a whore and that he himself was conceived in the backseat of a car by a guy who isn't his father. There are no limits to this guys fullofshitness.

The Professor - Sure, he could get his point across with a sentence or two but it wouldn't be an appropriate means of conveying his intellect. No, this guy doesn't get out of bed in the morning unless he's got a page worth of conversation in his skull to type first.

Makes No Sense Guy - This person is one of God's special little projects. He speaks only in a manner decipherable to himself and makes sense only to himself. He's got 1000 posts under his belt and everyone of them has gone unreplied to. The next time somebody read his shit would also be the first. Best of all, he's not a quitter and his will can't be broken.

Mr. Co-Sign - He jumps from post to post cosigning people at random with LOLs and LMAOs and ROTLMAOs and any other absurd abbreviated cartoonish way of approving somebody else's words. He's of no real value to the messageboard he posts at or the internet itself. He's an unabashed consumer of everyone else's efforts on the internet giving only the illusion that he's one of the guys adding to the website by saying something only everytime he says something, he says nothing; less than nothing really because echoing someone else most of the time is often worse than just being quiet. Vile, wretched human being.

Even if you haven't enjoyed these jerks I hope you've enjoyed the list. More to come later....

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Obama Challenging LeBron James To Go One-On-One @ The White House

It’s not much of a contest; on paper, at least. A 6-foot, 2-inch, 180-pound, 47-year-old amateur against a 6-foot, 8-inch, 250-pound, 24-year-old pro who won the National Basketball Association’s Most-Valuable Player award this year. Except the amateur will have home-court advantage: the South Lawn of the White House.

In an interview with Bloomberg News this week, President Barack Obama said he would soon invoke executive privilege to summon the Cleveland Cavaliers’ LeBron James and possibly other NBA stars to the White House to shoot some hoops. “As soon as we get the basketball nets up we’re going to have some of these guys over for a game,” Obama said. Asked if he’d be playing, Obama bristled: “Of course. It’s my court.” James paid a visit to the White House on June 15. Obama said he was awed by both the size and skills of the man who averaged 28.4 points, 7.6 rebounds and 7.2 assists this season in helping take his team to the NBA Eastern Conference Finals.

“When you get up close to him he’s a legitimate six- eight, six-nine. He’s huge. Moving that kind of speed? It’s pretty remarkable,” Obama said. Miami Heat Guard Dwyane Wade visited the White House yesterday to promote a Father’s Day mentoring program.

For all James’ prowess, he may need to break a sweat when he takes on Obama. The president is the most active athlete to occupy the White House in recent memory, and he will soon make history as the first to have his own court. The venue will be the White House tennis court, shrouded in pine trees on the South Lawn, which is being repurposed as a home for the new one-man Team USA. Josh Earnest, a White House spokesman, said work is currently under way on the project. Basketball lines are being painted on the tennis court and removable basketball hoops are being installed. Ann Smith, the White House liaison for the National Park Service who is in charge of the maintenance of White House grounds, said it cost $4,995 to clean and “restripe,” or paint fresh lines on the court and an “incidental” fee to cover the poles holding up the tennis net. Earnest wouldn’t comment on the cost of the hoops.
Obama, a lifelong player, even found time for pick-up games in the midst of a grueling campaign. In an interview with NBC’s Brian Williams on June 2, he said he has played “a couple of times” since taking office in January. “For an old guy,” he said, “I’m hanging in there.”

“Basketball is a game where you have to bump into other people,” said Claude Johnson, 49, whose blog “Baller-in-” links to articles about the president and his love of the game. Johnson said reaction to the site has been “explosive.” Though an average player in high school, Obama had a solid longshot, earning him the nickname “Barry O- Bomber,” he said. Johnson said basketball has helped Obama connect to young people and has shaped his character.
“The world is analogous to a pick-up game of basketball,” Johnson said. “Since you never know whose side you’re going to be on the next time around, you’re not interested in destroying teammates.” There is no shortage of people who want to watch the president play. A “Barack O-Balla” posting on YouTube, which strings together clips of Obama playing basketball to a rap soundtrack, has gotten more than 400,000 hits.

See, I was always under the impression that you had to win the championship to meet the president. My fault, huh? How'd I get that crazy notion in my head?

Saturday, June 20, 2009

A Couple Hilarious Videos For The Week

The first and most funny thing I've seen in 2009 is this video where this nerd is punished by his mother canceling his World of Warcraft subscription and him finding out and what follows is his brother taping his temper tantrum which is truly a gem that must be witnessed by all. Hat tip to The Grip for this.

The 2nd video is from Omaha, Nebraska where an Arkansas sports reporter is cast among the drunk young fans of LSU who almost nobody outside of Louisiana probably roots for. Anyway I don't ever give them credit for anything but I must give respect where respect is due and this is one funny clip. This reporter had no idea the shitstorm that he was in the eye of, LOL.

LOL @ Kobe At The Lakers Parade

I've been giving Kobe props but this is some self-serving individual look at me marketing me shit right here...

One of these things is not like the other ones.

Sidenote: I can't lie, the four ring puppet shirt is kind of gangster. Selfish for the event, but gangster.

Hat Tip: Reds Army

Slam Magazine's Top 50 NBA Players Of All-Time

1) Michael Jordan
2) Wilt Chamberlain
3) Bill Russell
4) Shaquille O'Neal
5) Oscar Robertson
6) Magic Johnson
7) Kareem Abdul Jabbar
8) Tim Duncan
9) Larry Bird
10) Jerry West
11) Elgin Baylor
12) Kobe Bryant
13) Hakeem Olajuwon
14) Bob Pettit
15) Julius Erving
16) Moses Malone
17) John Havlicek
18) Karl Malone
19) Isiah Thomas
20) Charles Barkley
21) Rick Barry
22) John Stockton
23) Elvin Hayes
24) Bob Cousy
25) David Robinson
26) Kevin McHale
27) Scottie Pippen
28) Jason Kidd
29) George Mikan
30) Kevin Garnett
31) Willis Reed
32) Wes Unseld
33) Nate Thurmond
34) Dolph Schayes
35) Walt Frazier
36) Patrick Ewing
37) Jerry Lucas
38) Gary Payton
39) Allen Iverson
40) Billy Cunningham
41) Clyde Drexler
42) LeBron James
43) Dominique Wilkins
44) Dave Cowens
45) George Gervin
46) Bob McAdoo
47) Earl Monroe
48) Dennis Rodman
49) Walt Bellamy
50) Steve Nash

I think this is a solid list. Some players are higher than I might have put them, some lower, and there are some that I think are missing but all in all not bad. I'd grade the list maybe a B-.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Worst Product Of 2009

I'd rather inhale anthrax through a bong then wear this crap.

Terrible terrible item.

The Seinfeld Cast Set To Make A Comeback On The New Season Of 'Curb Your Enthusiasm'

NEW YORK (Hollywood Reporter) - Michael Richards, the Emmy-winning actor who played Kramer on "Seinfeld" but saw his fortunes dwindle in recent years, is "a new man," according to Larry David, the co-creator of the legendary sitcom. Richards' flagging career ground to a halt in 2006 after he was captured on a cell phone camera delivering an alcohol-fueled racist tirade at some hecklers watching his routine at a Los Angeles comedy clubs. The master of physical comedy apologized profusely, and inadvertently drew studio-audience laughter while making a mea culpa on "Late Show with David Letterman." But now Richards, and Kramer, are back. In fact all of the "Seinfeld" stars -- Richards, Julia Louis Dreyfus, Jason Alexander and Jerry Seinfeld -- appear later this summer in about half the episodes of the new season of David's "Curb Your Enthusiasm" on HBO. Neither David nor Jeff Garlin, a show producer who plays David's manager, would reveal too many details. But David did say that Richards "is like a new man. He really went through something (with that incident). He used to be very angry and bitter. He's completely different now. You can see it, and he can feel it. I'm very happy for him." As for David, he opens on Friday in Woody Allen's "Whatever Works," which co-stars Patricia Clarkson and Evan Rachel Wood, as well as Ed Begley, Jr. and "Tudors" star Henry Cavill.

This is wonderful news to a Seinfeld and Curb fan like myself. Unfortunately I still don't know if I can forgive Michael Richards for chimping out like that but we'll see where he's at when this comes out. I been fiending a new season for CYE.

Newest & Probably My Personal Favorite Kobe/LeBron Puppet Commercial

And for the sake of my sanity I hope this is the last one that Nike produces before the ad campaign jumps the shark (Personally I'd like for the LeBron Family of character commercials to return next season).

Congrats Kobe.


Paul Pierce Twitters Today:

Lakers vs orlando. Looked like a german sherperd vs a poodle that's ok the rotwieler celtics will b back in 2o10

Can't wait until basketball starts over again.

Monday, June 15, 2009

10 Questions: 'The Post-2009 NBA Finals Edition'

*Dwight Howard should be banned from wearing capes and calling himself "Superman" if he's going to play like Wonder Woman in the post. He's got to develop a low post/back to the basket up and under game before he should look to jump in a phone book to change. How can you not man up and steal more than a game to be considered the man of steel?

*President Obama picked the Lakers, Steelers and Tar Heels all to win it all this year. Right, Left or Center you have to respect this man's gangster when it comes to getting it done in predicting winners in sports. Has he bet on winners with Chrystler, Arlen Spector and the Arab World during his trip last month?

*Shaq twittered after the game: THE_REAL_SHAQ: Congrats to you to phil jackson. When the general doesn't panic the troops don't panic. You are the greatest now. and also Congratualtions kobe, u deserve it. You played great . Enjoy it my man enjoy it. And I know what yur sayin rt now "Shaq how my ass taste ". LOL, will this guy ever pass up an opportunity to put his face in the spotlight?

*Tip your hat to the Lakers and Kobe but you have to wonder if this team had the easiest route to the trophy in perhaps NBA history (a heartless Jazz squad, a T-Mac and Yao-less Rockets team and an Orlando team that had no business being in the Finals in the first place other than being the best of what was left in the Eastern conference considering everybody wasn't at full strength)?

*Does this well written article make you at least wonder just how much greater Kobe's teammates are to LeBron's? Even if you hadn't believed so before reading it?

*Even though he is the Master of Panic and the wrong guy to have at the helm, isn't it fun to watch Stan Van Gundy?

*Has Rashard Lewis surpassed Juwan Howard with the biggest joke of a contract in NBA history (118 mill/6 years)?

*If Shaq ended up being traded to Cleveland and playing with LeBron, can Phil be tempted to coach there? Is it possible for Shaq to go to the Finals with Penny, Kobe, Wade and James?

*How crazy is it that over the last 30 years only eight NBA teams have won the championship?

*Does four and a half months seem as far away to you as it does to me until the next NBA game? :(

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Funny Video Of The Day: Jim Rome On Bank Tellers

You want a laugh? I know you do. Because it's Thursday, your ass is tired and you could use something funny to take the edge off the work week. If you've got ten minutes check this out. Jim Rome is funny because what he says is true. Check it out.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Tuesday's Top Ten: Worst Chains In Black Music


I'm too disgusted to put these in any order and worst of all I don't even know what 1-10 would even mean? Worst to best? Best to worst? Words lose their meaning when you relate them to this magnitude of foolishness. I give up on black people.

This Man's Acrobatic Sense Is Better Than My Everything

There's probably a reason God made it so he can do these things and I can't. I'd find some way to abuse this gift for bad purposes.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Wednesday's Woman: Dominika Cibulkova

I am about to say something that I would have thought unfathomable five years ago. Something that my blackness might not have permitted me to form the words in my mouth to say it. Ready? Here goes:

Serena Williams is not the hottest tennis player. Not by a long shot. In fact when you measure her against Wednesday's Woman you will see why. It's like comparing the cassette player to the iPod. Really it is. We had a good run Serena but we've both moved on. You're seeing Hollywood now and I'm seeing Serbia. I've got the Eastern European fever now...and with good reason. If you're familiar with the Pepsi challenge then take my similar less renown Cibulkova challenge. Look at this woman and enjoy the enclosed 20 pictures and tell me you don't prefer Cibulkova to Williams. Honestly Cibulkova > any woman in tennis right now. Only Ivanovic would be a reasonable alternate answer. So enjoy this if you know her already and thank me if you don't but in time she'll be a household name and when she is you can say His Aura Was Orange played a small small role. Her looks and her game did the rest.

Don't even know what's going on here but I'm not mad at it...

Yes she does dig brothers too as evidenced by this pic of her boyfriend last year (brownie points scored although her bar is quite low apparently)

Celebrities Who Look-A-Like Part III

Jose Contreras/West Indian Archie [Malcolm X movie]
Mario Chalmers/Keith Murray
Eddie Royal/Soulja Boy
Stephon Marbury/Little Bill
Ed Reed/Ricky Davis
Joe the Plummer/Kane
Detlef Schrempf/Liam Neeson

Brock Lesnar/John Madden
Que (Day 26)/Donkey [from Shrek]