Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Tuesday's Top Ten: Greatest, Must-Hear Christmas Songs

This week's Top Ten List is very simple. It's a list of my greatest Christmas songs of the season. It's not going to have a lot of songs that have been done to death over the years or have been rendered bad because department stores have played them out either. So sorry you won't find Boyz II Men on this list and you won't find Donny Hathaway either and you have the commercialization and oversaturation of those songs by the corporate world to blame for it. Now if you can get past that though than this list will be for you. My favorite Christmas songs of the season...

10.) Alvin and the Chipmunks- Christmas Song - I know this is a song from your childhood but if there's every a holiday that is all about you reverting back to that time, this is the one.

9.) Tchaikovsky - Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairies - Look I'm a black man who listens to Mobb Deep, Clipse and a gang of other musicians who boast of tales of coke dealing and shootouts but at the same time I'm a college educated man whose confident enough in myown skin to own up to the fact that I also enjoy classical music, have the ability to play the cello and can appreciate some good orchestral pieces as well. If that qualifies me as (insert insult) then so be it. I can live with that. This is classic.

8.) Luther Vandross - Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas - You just can't deny Luther. Even if you wanted to, the boy had skills. The man one of the best friends song has ever had. He killt this. KILLT IT!

7.) Run DMC - Christmas In Hollis - This one is self-evident. It's as mandatory a part of Christmas as socks are to shoes.

6.) Charles Brown - Merry Christmas Baby - Old classic soul of the kind we're not likely to see again.

5.) Nat King Cole - The Christmas Song - LOL, the song is worth the price of admission in and of itself but the video is just class. Nat was smooth. No lie, he might have been cooler than Obama in his prime. His voice didn't miss a beat and his performance was polished too. Moms always let Nat live during the holidays and this is probably a lot to do with her influence as much as it my taste. Thanks mom!

4.) Frank Sinatra - A Merry Little Christmas - Old blue eyes doing what Old Blue Eyes do!

3.) Vince Guaraldi Trio - O Tannenbaum (A Charlie Brown Christmas) - This is just class personified. It's the living embodiment of the season really. It's what corny guitar riffs are to adult films. Mood setting.

2.) A Charlie Brown Christmas - Christmas Time is Here Song - If you can't appreciate this then something is wrong with you.

1.) Ray Charles & Betty Carter - Baby It's Cold Outside - Two things, the first being this song is all kinds of genius. The way it's laid out like a conversation is ill. I dig the style on this one. It's just before it's time. Two, LMAO @ Ray trying to get this chick to stay throughout the whole song, Dude is not playing and he's definitely not taking no for an answer. Listening to this song is like watching a cartoon of Pepe LePew. Class.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

In Memoriam: Chris "Slim" Henry

Skip to 26:45 for a lighter more fonder memory from the past involving Chad OchoCinco and Chris Henry discussing whether there was a women in this world they've be willing to stay with because of her beauty if she cheated on them. You'll smile. As I said though just drag the time tracker to the 26:45 minute mark to go immediately to the part I'm talking about.

Anyway, I've avoided speaking on the issue because I wanted to find out some more details before inserting my thoughts on the matter and prematurely being proven an idiot or otherwise after new details began to emerge. So after finding out the particulars concerning the incident I had a feeling it would be something like this in the end but again it was naive to speculate too far into the matter earlier this week.

Chris was young and in love and handled an argument in an immature fashion that ultimately cost him his life. It had nothing to do with thuggery or his past arrests, but rather just a thoughtless moment of passion. He might have been just pulling a stunt like jumping in the back of his girlfriend's truck as a ploy to get her come to a halt so they could talk and just stumbled off the back of the truck accidentally or he might have jumped. Who really knows and at this point what does it matter? From everything I know about him on a local level and from everything the whole country knows he wasn't necessarily a bad guy. I think 'troubled' fits better. Just a talented man who led a troubled life. Not unlike other famous stars in other walks of life who've passed too soon and led troubled lives as in their limited time here. You don't need me to list names as examples as the world has given too many examples of these types unfortunately all too often. The entire situation is unfortunate and to reiterate the obvious, I feel the sorriest for his 10, 3 and 2 year old surviving children. I only hope he had a life insurance plan and they were his main beneficiaries and will be taken care of.

Still no matter what his deficiencies were, what we we feel we know about Chris or what we think we do, a man lost his life to the pain and grief of the people who knew him well and at the very least we ought respect that. R.I.P. to Mr. Henry.

Canabalt - The Game

This is probably the most addicting and fun game I've played all year. If you're trying to pass the time, whether in the short run or in a much larger capacity (trying to kill the clock at work) this is the game you should play and potentially lose your job over. You won't regret it. 

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Barkley: "Tiger Needs To Take My Calls"

I've avoided making comments on the Tiger Woods case because it's a private issue and should be handles privately just like anybody else's hardships and mishaps. I did think what Spike Lee and Charles Barkley say on the matter is very interesting though since they know Tiger and seem to be wanting to circle the wagons around him only they can't seem to get in touch with Tiger because he changed his number.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Garbage Can Prank = Win.

Why didn't I think of this in college? It's definitely pure win. The guys reaction is priceless.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Wal-Mart: Now Slanging Caskets

I shit you not. For a small fee of $1200 you too can buy your final resting place along with your groceries at the same place. If you're in the 12 items or less line and you've got a shopping cart full of a couple greasy fattening things that might kill you, you can actually eat those artery-clogging items guilt free because you can buy the pine box to put your dead ass in.

All seriousness aside though this a great idea for their company for once. Everybody knows funeral homes rape grieving families for all they're worth in one of the most vulnerable times we have to unfortunately find ourselves in. The mark-up of caskets into four and five times what Wal-Mart wants is legalized robbery. So while I hope that neither your nor I or anyone I know has to be in the business of buying one anytime soon, just know that if you do, maybe you can consider Wal-Mart's low low prices too.


Friday, November 13, 2009

Hilariously Bad Commecial: Vyntlife

I have no idea if this is a balm, a lotion, a cologne or a mixture of all three but none of that matters. All that matters is how corny and cheesy this video is. Video has all the ingredients of funny. Just press play, get your popcorn, kick your feet up and enjoy the ensuing sight.

Google Doesn't Care About Black People

 Keep in mind this is not a joke or a myth. Just type "Why Do Black People" in your google search bar and just look at the results. Shame.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Best Videos Of The Week

This is what arrogance gets you....

This is just comedy.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Rick Ross Is a Funny Man


Tell me that this doesn't improve the quality of your day.

Friday, October 2, 2009

The Dogs Dogfighting Outsmart The Dogfighting Crowd [LOL @ This]

This is absolutely hilarious. You can watch this guilt-free trust me. I wouldn't lead you astray.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Giant Spider Terrorizes Man In His Garage

About the only thing you could do in this situation is nuke it from outerspace. It's the only way to know for sure that you've killed it.

In all seriousness I have a terrible terrible case of arachnophobia from childhood. Probably from watching 'Arachnophobia' way too early in life (thanks Mom & Dad; Bang up job there) and so if this spider was in my house I'd shoot myself I'd move. Even if I loved the house I'd have to move. The spider could keep everything that I owned in that place. As long as it didn't follow me to my new place.

Monday, September 21, 2009

Black & Going Bald? No Problem, "Hair Stimulation" Will Tattoo Hair On You To Fool The Public Of Your Deficiency

Yeah, I don't think I'll be trying this. Not that I plan on going bald but if I did, I'd just shave it all off. This doesn't even look natural. His hairline looks like a dead persons. You know how funeral homes always give you the most fake looking hair for your funeral. That's what this reminds me of which is morbid and unappealing. To each his own though.

LOL @ Golden Tate (Notre Dame RB) Getting Overexcited And Jumping Into MSU's Marching Band

LMAO @ them not catching him. This probably didn't unfold as he thought it would in his mind.

The Worst AP College Football Voter Ballot I've Seen This Year

I give you Doug Lesmerises of The Cleveland Plain Dealer (figures he's from Cleveland)

 Come on, man. Florida 5?!?! Miami, Houston, and Cincinnati are better than everybody but Alabama? Come on, man. Just come on.

Hat Tip: PollSpeak

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Ed Lover Covering My Thoughts On Kanye/Lil Mama/Joe Wilson & More

I been on vacation from blogging but thankfully Ed Lover, NY Radio personality, being the scholar he is, covers my feelings on all the happenings. I don't agree with his wording on some of this but he mostly gets my point across for me.

Wednesday's Woman: Nadine Velazquez

You might recognize her from My Name Is Earl, or not like myself, who doesn't watch such shows. Although I have to admit that may change. Nadine Valazquez is that fine.

Where has she been, other than on a show that I wouldn't watch to save the life of somebody I care about, all my life? I guess it's better to discover her late than to never have discovered her at all.

Tuesday's Top Ten: Traits That Make Us HATE "Facebook Guy"

I absolutely hate "Facebook Guy". Let me be clear though, I like Facebook, I just don't like "Facebook Guy". I'm not saying you're automatically "Facebook Guy" because you're on Facebook. That's not what I'm saying. I've got plenty of friends on Facebook. I'm on Facebook. I'm not talking about them and I'm not talking about myself. I'm talking about "Facebook Guy". I just don't like "Facebook Guy". "Facebook Guy" could be a man, woman or amorphous person in the middle like Lady Gaga so don't automatically assign a gender to this being. I just use the handle "Facebook Guy" because it's simple. So let me describe "Facebook Guy" so you can spot this/these jerk(s) hiding out in your Facebook, lurking in the shadows and defriend him and his flunkies from your friends list.

10.) "Facebook Guy" changes his profile picture more often than he changes his drawers. He feels it's absolutely necessary to keep us afloat to his facial changes as often as possible and as frequently as daily. In "Facebook Guy"s mind a lot can change over a weekend and you must know what he looks like on Monday as compared to what he looked like on Friday.

9.)  "Facebook Guy" updates from his phone because the earth shattering nature of 'at the store buying a loaf of bread' just can't wait until they get home.

8.) "Facebook Guy" takes Facebook seriously. Most people are only on Facebook to occasionally get in touch with friends and keep a channel open to network with people in case somebody is looking for them and have no other ways to get a hold of them. For most people they can go weeks at a time without signing in. It's really not all that important to them. They just keep that Facebook account open for the same reason they keep their '' email open; Just so that people who have no other viable means of getting in touch with them, have SOME glimmer of hope to hang onto in touching base. "Facebook Guy" updates his pictures all the friggin' time."Facebook Guy" is unloading a dozen or so pictures of themselves walking to the curb to get his garbage cans from this morning right now. "Facebook Guy" is a member of 653 groups because he cares that you know everything about him. "Facebook Guy" wishes there was something even stronger than an 'iLike' button. "Facebook Guy" wants Mark Zuckerburg to come out with a 'iLove' button because "Facebook Guy" wants to go steady with your status update. "Facebook Guy" wants to get on one knee and propose to your Facebook wall happenings.

7.) "Facebook Guy" is basically everybody's grandmother. They don't miss anyone's birthday. If you've got a birthday coming up, you should expect a 'Happy Birthday' at the bare minimum. If they're feeling particularly jovial you're getting a 'facebook birthday gift'. It's just a forgone conclusion you're getting Facebook Wall Love on your born day from them. In fact the only way you won't be getting it is if you forgot their birthday last time around. Oh yeah, "Facebook Guy" keeps track of whose been leaving them love. "Facebook Guy" makes a list and checks it twice. "Facebook Guy" looks into whose been naughty or nice. So always be appeasing to "Facebook Guy" because "Facebook Guy" is keeping the score.

6.) "Facebook Guy" laughs way too hard and way too much. "Facebook Guy" makes up stupid new ways to tell you that what you said is funny even when you know it wasn't THAT friggin' funny. 'I just spit my soda all over my computer @ what you just said'. No you didn't. If you did your computer would probably be messed up (YAY!) or at minimum you'd need a new keyboard. "Facebook Guy" also will drop a ROTFLMAOTGUSEITRWSOTAMASWIWID (rolling of the floor laughing my ass off then getting up slapping everybody in the room with slices of turkey and making a sandwich with it when I'm done). I mean damn. Is it really that funny? Like, really? "Facebook Guy" laughs at dumb stuff like there are terrorists that have their family at gunpoint hogtied and gagged. Like "Facebook Guy" is trying to get on their good side. An 'LOL' usually suffices. An 'LMAO' at the absolute most. Anything more and you're doing waaaaaay too much. Stop it.

5.) Believe it or not on certain occasions "Facebook Guy" might actually have something important to do and as you can imagine doesn't have the time to read through everyone's status updates like he normally might. In this circumstance he'll use the 'iLike' button like it's voicemail. He won't even read your status before just mindlessly pressing 'iLike'. You know how somebody calls your cellphone halfway hoping you don't pick up just so they can leave you a voicemail and say that they called you? That's what "Facebook Guy" is doing. "Facebook Guys" not even trying to leave his normal empty headed rambling nonsensical reply to your status. All they want to do is press the 'iLike' just to let you know that they reached out to you even though they don't care what you just said.

4.) "Facebook Guy" has over 1000 pictures on Facebook. That's just how "Facebook Guy" rolls. "Facebook Guy" doesn't retrieve his mail unless there's a red carpet trail leading up to his mailbox and paparazzi hanging over the barricades snapping pictures of him and getting him to pose. It's not that we don't all go out. It's not that we don't all get that we should have fun with our friends. We all have social lives, only the normies among us don't treat sitting in our friends' living room watching TV like it's on our bucket list and we have to snap 50 pictures of us watching 'Curb Your Enthusiasm' to preserve the special memory of us eating Dorritos and chugging a Mountain Dew like we could die any moment. "Facebook Guy" takes pictures of himself at the dentist getting root canals. It's not enough that he lives his life, you must live your life vicariously through his pictures and his updates. His life is being made into a movie everyday on Facebook. "Facebook Guy" takes a thousand pictures of himself a day just so that all his facebook friends know how much better his life is from yours.

3.) "Facebook Guy" loooooves to spam his status' to song lyrics, coded messages and general relationship whining to tell the object of his obsession that he/she is thinking about them or how they're wronging them or how upset they are making them. "Facebook Guy" couldn't care less that the other 200 people that they're friends with have to read this drivel just as long as there's an off-hand chance that the one person they're crying out to is reading it. "Facebook Guy" moans like Keith Sweat when they update their status when feeling emotional. "Facebook Guy" tries to be Edgar Allen Poe in the space of the 100 characters allowable in the status updates even though it all comes out less than poetic and more as bitter gibberish. "Facebook Guy" embarrasses themself and sounds like Kanye West on '808's and Heartbreaks' and should get a friggin' room instead of a mouse and keyboard.

2.) "Facebook Guy" LOVES to tell you what he's doing in his status updates no matter how stupid or pointless or how late or early it is in the day. "Facebook Guy" treats Facebook like it's Twitter. Only he isn't famous and you really don't care what he's doing but a.) he doesn't care that he's just some dude and not Diddy and b.) everything he does or feels is worth your time reading it -- and I mean EVERYTHING! "Facebook Guy" wakes up in the morning, walks to his computer and before he yawns he updates his status to "wiping the crust out of my eye and stretching". Before he goes to sleep in his bed at night "Facebook Guy" will lean over to his laptop and update his status with a "Good Night" as if neither you nor him could ever possibly fall asleep without knowing what he's doing at that exact moment in life. Because we all couldn't go to sleep without "Facebook Guy" bending down to kiss us on our forehead, whisper sweet nothings in out ear and tell us Goodnight.

1.) "Facebook Guy" LOVES the 'iLike' button and he's not afraid to use it. "Facebook Guy" reads every single friends status updates periodically through the day like it's his job. It's that serious to him. When he finishes reading every status update he will go ahead and click the 'iLike' button to every status update you ever write. It's a reflex to him. You could type 'My mom just died' and "Facebook Guy" will give your status the 'iLike' treatment. 'I just slit my wrists and I'm sitting in the tub, chest deep in my own blood waiting to die' and "Facebook Guy" will respond with an 'iLike'. You could update your status with "I just inhaled and oddly enough I exhaled two seconds later" and "Facebook Guy" will be sure to press the 'iLike' button express his approval. Or he'll leave some awful message that sounds like a 12 year old wrote it. A grown man/woman writing like a child. You might update your status with "I just ate Wendy's" and "Facebook Guy" might respond like:

OMG!!!! LOLz I wuz jus tlking 2 mah mom about that. What a coincidence!! We must be kindred spirits!!! OMFG!!

Anywhoo TTYL

Just disgusting. And even after leaving said message, "Facebook Guy" will be sure to 'iLike' your status.

My advice: Stay vigilant so that you don't go down that road that leads to becoming "Facebook Guy". You're better than that. Resist the urges to act like "Facebook Guy" on Facebook. It's hard but you'll be better for it. Old habits don't die. They never completely go away. They're like cancer cells, they can go into remission if you undertake the right steps but they're always there lying in wait. Plotting their resurface like Sadaam in a spiderhole. Realize that you'll probably never rid yourself of old habits completely and that all you can do is suppress them as much as possible.All I can do is add you to my Facebook Friends list but only you can decide if you'll stay there via your behavior.

I Will Return Tommorow

*Tuesday's Top Ten
*Wednesday's Woman
*Plus Much More

I'll see you later (today)

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Chad Ocho Cinco on ESPN Debating With Skip Bayless 9/8/09

Chad once again, doing all he can to regain my city's love which I can say he's all but accomplished, myself included.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Why Weren't Halloween Costumes This Cool When I Was a Kid?

Damn. If I was this dude, I'd ring somebody's doorbell morph down into that car and scare the shit out of the person at the door.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Trailer For Jamie Foxx's Upcoming Movie "Law Abiding Citizen"

This movie looks EPIC. It looks like Taken to the second power. I recommend keeping an eye out for this one strongly.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Josh Howard/Josh Hamilton: Similar Plights But DIfferent Perceptions In The Sports Media -- Does Race Factor In?

I came by this article in an email from a reader suggesting I should post it and so I read it (really it only takes 10 minutes so don't be lazy. Do likewise) and it was certainly the most interesting analytical piece of social probing I've read sports-wise in a long time. Lots of good points made. All worth your consideration.

By Richie Whitt

Josh I has 26 tattoos, some of which are demons.

Belying a stable, middle-class upbringing, he has a résumé littered with revolving-door drug and alcohol rehab stints. He's a former crackhead who's admitted to driving drunk, getting high and not having the faintest idea what he might have done or where he might have done it on countless foggy last nights. He recently—only after photos surfaced on the Internet, mind you—confessed to a boffo binge in January in a Tempe tavern that ended up with him drunk, shirtless, covered in whipped cream and having his crotch massaged by three semi-dressed women, none of them his wife. In the eight months between incident and enlightenment, he continued selling his autobiography—Beyond Belief—and telling his motivational tale of born-again sobriety.

Josh II also has tattoos, including one of his grandmother's name. His childhood included a father walking out immediately after his birth and his severely bowed legs being broken below the knees and reset twice before age 2. He had an uncle killed in a robbery, a friend murdered and a sister jailed for, among other things, spitting on a cop. He's guilty of handing out birthday party fliers during a playoff series, admitting to smoking marijuana, getting arrested for drag racing and spewing out a vulgar dissin' of the national anthem at a charity flag football event.

The sagas of both Joshes sparked emotional feedback to the Dallas Observer and my Sportatorium sports blog over the last year. A sampling:

Josh I: "American hero"..."more respect for him than ever"..."never said he was perfect. But he is forgiven"..."Give the guy a break. He screwed up, but got right back on track."

Josh II: "He's just a dumb coon nigger"..."Hanged"..."I wish he'd go back to throwing spears in Africa"..."I'll never watch him play. Ever."

Josh I, of course, is Texas Rangers' two-time All-Star outfielder Josh Hamilton. Josh II, obviously, is Dallas Mavericks' former All-Star forward Josh Howard. None of their transgressions has hurt anyone other than themselves. And, relatively speaking, Howard shoots a basketball on par with how Hamilton hits a baseball.

So what gives? While Howard incited harsh criticism from yours truly and from readers—vitriolic backlash that would make even David Duke blush—Hamilton's immunity has been perplexing. You can try to ignore, dismiss or simply deny the truth, but the reality is that Hamilton comes equipped with two major antidotes in his battle for a pardoned public image:

Religion. Race.

Cringe, or even exit onto Naïve Lane if you want, but the reasons Hamilton skates are his white skin and his Jesus shield. Sorry, but our mostly white media—yep, the finger is pointing at me—and mostly white fan base treat Hamilton more favorably than Howard.

But what if Josh Hamilton was black? And Josh Howard was white? For starters, Hamilton would be immediately portrayed by the media—Me? Guilty as charged.—as a "thug" or a "crackhead punk" while Howard would be "misunderstood" or "outspoken." Howard would also, apparently, have his sins rinsed by religion.

From Robert Tilton to Quincy Carter we've seen our share of religious hypocrisy. Generally when athletes start quoting scripture we roll our eyes—something about the higher we praise Christians the bigger the bruises when they fall. Hamilton's latest pothole has invoked within me a blend of sympathy and cynicism. But to most, not even a dash of disillusion.

Second chances may be color blind. But we aren't.

Human beings tend to identify with people who look like them or share similar environments. Doesn't mean we're all racists. But we are all racial. We're easily manipulated by religion and readily influenced by color. All things equal, we'll side with our own.

Depending on where you live or what you read, there remains segregation in sports. Around these parts, similarly temperamental black players are "volatile" and white players are "fiery." Right, Terrell Owens?

As it is, Hamilton is the most beloved recovering crackhead on the planet. He's somehow the victim; addiction the villain. His story is so touching, so good, that we're moved to treat his comeback from a self-inflicted mess as some noble triumph. What, Marlon Byrd has never been tempted?

In fact, I've been criticized for referring to Hamilton as, among other things, a hypocrite. Even though he's a man who used to do A, promised to do B, but has again been caught doing A, Hamilton is somehow Teflon. Even though hypocrite is his word, not mine.

From a July 2008 story in The New York Times: "If I didn't (stay clean and sober)," Hamilton said, "I'd be the biggest hypocrite in the world."

Apparently Hamilton also forgot the evangelical virtues about being honest and forthcoming.

From his August 8 press conference in Anaheim in response to the incriminating photos that would work seamlessly in credits for The Hangover: "I don't feel like I'm a hypocrite. I feel like I'm human."

At that point, isn't it hypocritical to deny being a hypocrite?

If Hamilton was black, I fear the focus wouldn't have so quickly and smoothly shifted back onto baseball.

The player who takes part in I Am Second commercials but one night decided to bat himself first wasn't booed in Anaheim, Cleveland or Arlington, but was coddled and cuddled as an imperfect, try-hard addict. Which is great news for the Rangers, because after Hamilton's better-late-than-never apology, he finally started hitting. (Ironic that for Texas to sustain its playoff push they need an on-field relapse from Hamilton to his early '08 form.)

A black Hamilton's hiccup would've still been news, because when a team in the thick of a playoff chase has its best player admit to a night in which he got drunk, blacked out and put himself in jeopardy of getting suspended or even killed, well, that's big news. But the media wouldn't have let this one dissolve in the glass of warm water known as God, forgiveness and "nobody's perfect." If Hamilton was neither Caucasian nor Christian, questions would be asked. Legit questions, like ...

Where did he go and how did he eventually get "home" after leaving the bar?

Are we supposed to believe that the three women, after drinking with Hamilton and licking whipped cream off his naked chest and vice-versa, didn't accompany him out the door to...wherever?

In the months after the incident Hamilton continued selling his book and witnessing to groups and retelling his tale to the media about being sober since October 6, 2005. Isn't not telling the truth, the whole truth and nothing but, tantamount to lying?

If he supposedly was informed by Hamilton the day after the incident, why did personal chaperone Johnny Narron respond with skeptical disbelief when initially quizzed about the pictures?

Hamilton claims to have blacked out. Does it really make sense then for him to be apologizing for things he doesn't exactly remember and aren't we, in essence, forgiving him for things that are impossible to acknowledge?

What took so long for the eight photos to surface?

Is there a photograph No. 9? Perhaps a No. 10?

To most, Josh I comes off honorable. To some, Josh II will always be despicable.

Shame it's so black and white.

It's Been Too Long

"We feel your presence, just not in the physical
All across the globe now blocks are miserable
You left a void there's a lot of little you's
And they're not original
And they're not identical
They just studied your likeness and watched your interviews..."

- Jay-Z

Her legacy is slinkier — immense yet understated, just like her voice. Traces of it lie the way Ciara moved in the video for "Promise." It's there in Rihanna's runway-fashion sense. Keri Hilson's around-the-way persona and Nicole Scherzinger's simmering sexuality share a debt to her. And the sense of what her career could have ultimately become is evident in Beyonce's multimedia presence.
RIP Aaliyah 1.16.79 - 8.25.01

Monday, August 24, 2009

Klansman And Black Man Forge Close Friendship

I'm at a complete loss for words here. Up is down, right is left and I just don't know anymore.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Brandon Jacobs Running Brain Urlacher Over In Tonight's PreSeason Game

And now a brief message from the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals:

Trying to stop Brandon Jacobs is like trying to stop the world from spinning.

A fully grown rhinoceros running at 100 miles per hour has almost as much force as Brandon Jacobs when he passes the D line.

If you're ever in public and happen to see a Brandon Jacobs running down the road run to the nearest phone and contact animal control.

According to animal planet 52 recorded deaths per year can be allocated to collisions from the force of running into a Brandon Jacobs.

Bonus: Jim Rome talking about how tough Brandon Jacobs is on the radio.

Trailer For Anthony Hopkins' New Movie 'The Wolfman'

Looks like it's going to be great.

Friday, August 21, 2009

Chad Ocho Cinco Explains His Favorite Saying 'Child Please'

Simply brilliant. Just brilliant.

Real World Cancun: She Didn't Have To Do The Dude Like That

Firstly, let me set this clip up for those who don't watch Real World or at least haven't been following this season. The black girl on the phone (Jonna) is on the show this season and she's been in a relationship with her longtime boyfriend (Matt) guy on the phone taking one of the worst L's in television history) for years and coming into the show they were head over heels in love, deeply rooted and connected with each other and the whole nine. They made a pact that over the time that Joanna would be in Cancun during the filming of The Real World, that neither she or him would cheat and throw away what they had been building long before the show came up. That was the plan. Was being the key word of course. Well about two months into the show, approximately a month from the show wrapping up, she decides to surprise her boyfriend Matt with some news that he didn't know and tell him where things were as far as she was concerned. So again, those of you who haven't been watching the show, now that you have the background on what's going on here go ahead and press play on the clip above and bear witness to one of the, if not the, worst public L's of 2009 caught on tape. It's not pretty.

*Waits for you to watch the clip*

Okay now that you've seen the clip let me just say this: I've see that clip now more times than I probably care to admit and each time it's hard to watch. I mean every time I watch it it feels like I'm watching it for the first time all over again. Her boyfriend/ex-boyfriend didn't deserve all that. Therein lies the difference between guys and girls though.

Follow me: A guy goes to the store to buy a particular shirt he's seen on sale after having learned about it either on television or print. One the way to the store he's been listening to the radio. As he's pulling up in the store's parking lot, it's just then he hears an advertisement of another store having a huge sale on the same shirt that he's about to buy at the store he's at only this place has it for $32 instead of the $35 that the store he's at is selling it. The guy knows that it's probably not worth the trouble or the hassle to go over to this other store in search of this shirt to save three dollars. Since it's a waste of time and he'd much rather stick with the place he's more comfortable with because he's already there, he just buys the shirt for $35 from the store he's at. A girl in the same exact scenario save for the shirt being a top she wants, hears about this top somewhere else for a marginally better deal won't blink. She'll start the car back up, get back on the highway and head out to the other store. Not that I'm assigning moral piety in either case, just noting the differences and there are differences. It's the same mentality with relationships too. A girl will see a guy marginally better than the guy she's with, not even necessarily enough to make the effort of being with this new guy and leaving her old guy worth it, and she'll leave the old guy fairly easily. The guy is loyal to a fault or his own detriment but once he makes a decision he lives with it and he usually doesn't let other things around him derail his mindset.

But back to the clip. Bless Matt's heart. I mean she's all but told him in no uncertain terms that she's been romantically involved with all these different guys. Even if she's not been there with any of them physically, she's been there with all of them mentally and still Matt is trying to put the pieces of his relationship back together and salvage whatever is salvageable at that point and reconcile and even as he's decent enough to do that she goes in for the kill and sticks the dagger as far as it will go into the guy and tells him to basically let it go and to stop playing a victim. Damn.

Look I've had my peaks and valleys in relationship but I've never been through what Matt went through. And to have that happen on TV too? I'm not a strong enough guy. I would have done something to somebody.

Just terrible.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Barbershop 3 Starring Ice Cube, Mike Epps and David Stern

LOL obviously the title of this post is rooted in sarcasm but the video really is NBA Commissioner David Stern in the heart of Harlem in a black barbershop talking straight at regular people, answering questions, addressing various concerns, cracking jokes and being a man of the people for once. It's a good watch so be sure to check it out.

College Football Player Poll On Different Topics [Interesting Read]

Let the coaches, writers and computers have their polls. But don't players have opinions? Turns out they do.

This spring,
ESPN The Magazine asked 85 FBS players about drugs, playoffs, refs, gay teammates and much more. In exchange for honesty, we promised not to reveal any names or schools -- only secrets.

  • Who will win the 2009 Heisman trophy?
When the ballots were counted, it was a landslide -- for Colt McCoy.

The Texas QB received 42 votes, followed by Florida QB Tim Tebow (20) and Oklahoma QB Sam Bradford (9). Four others were named more than once: USC safety Taylor Mays (4), Cal RB Jahvid Best (3), Oklahoma State WR Dez Bryant (2) and Ole Miss QB Jevan Snead (2).

  • What player would you pay to watch?
Of 19 players, one came up most often: Tebow, who pulled in 35 percent of the votes and was the only QB among the top three. The top five vote-getters: Tebow (30), Tennessee safety Eric Berry (9), OSU's Bryant (7), Texas' McCoy (5) and Florida LB Brandon Spikes (5).

  • Who will win the BCS title in January 2010?
Nearly half (40) of the respondents said the Gators will help Tebow win a third BCS title. The other faves: Texas (23), Oklahoma (10), USC (9).

  • What is the nation's best program?
By a whisker players named Florida 32-31 over USC. But by the same thin margin, Trojans' boss Pete Carroll was the top pick when players were asked who the smartest coach is. No. 2? Florida's Urban Meyer.

  • What is the nation's most overrated program?
More than half of those surveyed (46) named Notre Dame or Ohio State. And the winner, if that's the right word, is -- OSU, 24 to 22. Uh, congratulations, Coach Tressel!

  • Do any players on your team take steroids or other PEDs?
Of those surveyed, 55 percent said they know of at least one teammate taking PEDs; among non-BCS players, 53 percent answered yes; 58 percent of BCS players said yes.

  • Should drugs and alcohol on campus be a bigger NCAA concern?
Just say no. That's how 52 percent of players answered, with 47 percent saying the NCAA should pay more attention to the issue.

  • Should guns on campus be a bigger NCAA concern?
Yes -- 21 percent; no -- 67 percent. While guns were not a concern for most players, 57 percent of the players in the Big East were alarmed at the number of firearms around the team.

  • Were you ever offered money during recruiting?
Yes -- 3 percent; no -- 97 percent. Few players admit to cash offers, but many concede the problem exists. Some paused long enough to make us wonder. Answered one Pac-10 player, "No. Well -- no."

  • Should players be paid?
A scholarship is worth about $19K a year. It sounds like a lot until you realize the bowl teams in 2008 made 148 million in postseason profit alone. That's why 71 percent of players want to be paid.

  • Does the FBS need a playoff?
For the postseason, 75 percent wanted change. Only one conference liked the status quo, 60 percent-40 percent: the Pac-10, winner of one BCS title (USC, 2004) in 11 years.

  • Better OT format, college or pro?
College -- 99 percent; pro --1 percent. The lone fan of the NFL rules? A Pac-10 player: "I like that pressure. If you lose the toss, you have to make a play to survive."

  • What's the worst rule in college football?
More players are worried about being heard than hurt. Excessive celebration (22 percent) was the most hated penalty, edging horse-collar tackles (12 percent) and crown-of-the-helmet hits (11 percent).

  • Does replay work well?
They may not like every call, but 78 percent of those polled think the refs get it right in the end, with identical responses from BCS and non-BCS players.

  • Are the refs doing a good job?
Although 57 percent of ACC players see room for improvement, every other conference's players gave the men in black-and-white a vote of confidence. Overall, refs get a 71 percent approval rating.

  • Do you notice the cheerleaders at other schools?
An overwhelming 81 percent answered yes. Players singled out seven schools: Clemson, Cincinnati (haha), Florida International, Louisville, South Florida, UCLA and their No. 1 -- Oregon.

  • How many times a week do you get hit on?
It's pretty good to be a college football player. On average, they're hit on 5.5 times every week. It's really good to be playing at a BCS school, where players get hit on 6.6 times a week. And it's really, really good to be a Pac-10 player, where that number is 10.2.

  • Should academic fraud be a bigger concern for the NCAA?
Yes -- 47 percent; no -- 51 percent. Both sides cited the Florida State scandal. Says one concerned player: "Look at what they're doing at FSU." Says one unconcerned player: "Look at what they're doing to FSU."

  • Do you have any gay teammates?
Almost half of those surveyed (49.4 percent, to be exact) said yes, they believe they have at least one gay teammate. In the Pac-10, 70 percent of those surveyed said yes.

  • Does the NCAA do enough to promote fair-hiring practices?
Even though only seven of the 120 FBS head coaches are African-American, the majority of players (61 percent) don't see a need to address minority hires. (This one makes me frown, even moreso than the OSU overrated question. Damn.)

(Credit: ESPN & Bruce Feldman and Ryan Hockensmith )

Laugh Of The Day: Patrice O'Neal On Being Careful At Rest Stops [Hilarious]

One of my favorite comedians with a cautionary tale of being mindful of where you're at and your surroundings when you pull off the side of the road. This is based on a true story. (NSFW)

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Wednesday's Woman: Juliana Alves

And for this week's Wednesday's Woman we're going to keep it Brazilian since we're already here and go with the model/actress Juliana Alves.

Damn, Juliana looks like a 2K version of Lisa Turtle.

New Andressa Soares VIdeo On The Science Of Her Booty (LOL)

Knowledge, like booty, is power and Andressa is a powerful young lady.

Again, just to state for the record again, Brazil is a glorious place straight out of a never neverland. If I learn to speak Portuguese, I'm done here in America. I love America, love my family and friends, my president, and my way of life but I've got to think about my future. I'd feel like LeBron James after next season. I've got to seriously take a look at where I have a better chance of winning despite my hometown bias. Brazil is too lucrative a place not to jump ship to if given the opportunity. Unless America is bringing in women like Andressa Soares to keep me here I'd have to consider in the strongest possible way making a move.

Tuesday's Top Ten: Shittiest Candy Given At Halloween

.....when I was a kid Halloween was my favorite holiday, not unlike most other kids. The one thing I didn't like about Halloween though was getting home, after a hard day of begging strangers, taking off my costume, stretching out on the couch only to find that the majority of my spoils was shitty candy. You put so much into Halloween too. Your parents go out and buy you a shitty cheap costume that you only picked after trying on and subsequently rejecting several other equally shitty cheap costumes. You did this though, and made your parents a party of, and sold a part of your dignity in the process of the evening, in the pursuit of candy. One figures the least people could do was reward your effort by giving you something for your troubles. Instead of Skittles or Snickers or some candy worth its weight in sugar no you receive candy that starving kids in Africa would turn down. Todays list is an ode to the candy that people loved to give you that we all hated to get. This is candy so bad that it's almost a form of mouth rape when you eat it. So without any further wait, the list which is more of an FBI Most (Un) Wanted Top Ten than anything else ....

10.) Butterfinger - We all like butterfingers. You might even be asking yourself why would I put such a delicious candy on a list of this sort? I agree with the Butterfinger nation that they make a great product only where I find displeasure is because Butterfingers don't like us back. Butterfingers are a good idea up until 5 seconds into chewing it then it's like chewing sweet rocks. Just big, sticky annoying chunks of candy stuck to your teeth that have no intention of going anywhere for the rest of your day. Too messy a candy. Butterfingers are the candy version of Iraq and Afghanistan, easy to get into but hard to get out of.

9.) Black Licorice - LOL, I'm black and so it would make sense that I would like this candy, right? Wrong. I hate this candy and everything about it. I don't even mind red licorice. Twizzlers are great. As long as their red. Somebody ever gave me a black twizzler and I became David Duke. Get. It. Out. Of. Here

8.) Milk Duds - Who eats Milk Duds? Could it possibly be the same assholes who eats Peeps at Easter and other terrible candies? Why can't they round up all these douchebags favorite candy and sell them at their own stores so that their candy never even touches the candy I like?

7.) Boston Baked Beans - I have nothing against Boston or Baked Beans. Separately I like baked beans. I also like the Celtics and don't mind the Red Sox so I guess I kinda dig Boston too but Boston Baked Beans are just disgusting.

6.) Salt Walter Taffy - I say this as a life long and avid supporter of the Cincinnati Bengals but Salt Water Taffey is the candy equivalent to my football team. It casts no dispersions as to what it is or what it's about. You pretty much either associate with it out of choice or you don't. There are no gray areas. You know exactly what you're getting into going into it.

5.) Whatever The Fuck This Candy Is - Trust me, if I could identify this candy it would be higher. But I can't so it'll have to stay at ten. This ambiguous label will have to do in a way only 'suspect: black, male and between 18-49' has to do for cops. But I know you know this candy and that plurality of those reading this have even received this candy over the years.

4.) Butter Rum / Root Beer Dum Dums - LOL, We all know when we buy a bag of Dum Dums that once the cherry flavored ones and watermelon flavored ones are out, it's a crap shoot as to which ones are the next best but Butter Rum and Root Beer are the truly crap ones. The worst most evil devious thing that Dum Dum does though is labeling some of them with that question mark so you don't know what it is and you have to stick it in your mouth to find out what it is. And then just for fun they make probability of it being one of the two most disgusting flavors like 80%. You've got a better chance of getting the pretty girl in class at school to ask you out then get a cherry or watermelon flavored Dum Dum on a mystery flavor wrapped sucker. Terrible, no good, very bad awful candy.

3.) Circus Peanuts - This might be a generation thing. I've never met anyone under 50 that eats this. Are your taste buds the first thing that starts failing you as you get old? Because if that's the case I wish to die young and leave a pretty decent looking corpse in my wake. Circus Peanuts ought to be given to the animals of an actual circus and never to the humans in the stands or anywhere else. If I was God, these wouldn't even exist. Not in my universe. No way no how.

2.) Tootsie Roll - The only acceptable Tootsie Roll are the assorted fruit flavored tootsie rolls. The regular chocolately look and I would imagine also taste like rabbit shit. Not only is it cheap but it even tastes like it costs a penny per piece which is probably why after a long night of trick or treating when you looked into your candy bag it was almost all tootsie rolls. This also explains how easy it was to throw that shit in the woods before you came home. The effort of knocking on doors was greater than the coast of said candy. Tootsie Pops are a different case entirely though strangely enough

1.) Candy Corn - There are in fact things that are worse than death, like prison or what happens in prison and yes of course candy friggin' corn. Candy corn is so bad and so cheap that they don't even put it in a wrapper. They just put it in a bag, for easy access to for houses that offer candy for trick or treating, so all the person giving it has to do is stick a hand in the bag and spread it around. Like germs don't exist. It's not even the germs that's the worst part though. The candy is much worse. I'd rather have a scratchy throat, a runny nose and a cough than have a mouthful of candy corn. Corn isn't even a fun thing to eat and I'd rather eat corn than candy corn and I love sugar. I'm from a long line of people with diabetes. If restaurants served candy corn and the salad bar and nothing else, America would not have an obesity crisis on it's hands right now. We'd all have six packs. Bill Maher put it best in his book: