You mean well. Really I think you do. And to a certain degree people should cut you some slack because well, you went into tonight's game without your best player who probably would have made a difference but 32 points worth of difference might be a stretch but never the less we would all do well in taking that into account when we analyze USC's dominance over OSU tonight but that aside, you're really quite awful. Your coaching career at The Ohio State University has really began to look similar to a decrescendo.
You came in to Columbus, took charge, showed the city you were serious....about us, gave us a nice fat old ring in '03 and ever since then you've been a terrible husband when by now after all that we know you're capable of we really have come to expect so much more from you. Bringing Boeckman back in time and time again after Pryor had proven to be the more capable quarterback, not so much in the grand sense but in the context of effectiveness tonight, was just dumb. It was conservative, and what you considered 'safe' in your estimation, and it couldn't have been something we needed less to match what USC clearly exhibiting in high-octane, unadultered exciting football. It was less a game plan than it was a myriad of fireworks reminiscent of an Independence Day that Pete Carroll did to you tonight. He ran circles around you. Midway in the 3rd period I finally figured out who you reminded me in comparison to the LSU's and USC's and UF's of the world.
You remind me of the sheriff in the opening of No Country For Old Men who is in a position of authority and respect and who means well and even thinks he's got control of the situation coming into things but unbeknown to him at the time he lost and just didn't know it yet.
You - The Sheriff
Anton Chigurh (the guy in cuffs in the background) - All the other high-octane teams that open up their playbooks and don't approach the field like a 1950's playbook has your family hogtied in a hotel with a gun to their faces threatening to pick them off one at a time unless you call it's plays.
I'm starting to think you might have taken us as far as you could, God bless you, and it just isn't in you to win the big game anymore. Michigan has long ceased qualifying itself as such so really you need to come up with a new trick because that one's getting old. Michigan isn't even surprised anymore when it loses against us.
Look, I'm not saying we didn't have fun, because we did, but we need to see other people. We need to see if we can find someone a little more in touch with things in 2008 like John McCain or Estelle Getty and you need to find someone more your speed like a cemetery.
We certainly hold no ill will towards you and are grateful for the good time we've fostered together.