(Belated) Tuesday's Top Ten Celebrity L's

This week's Top Ten List is one that is the antithesis of the List of a couple weeks back wherein I ran down the Top 10 overachieving celebrities with their women who for reasons unknown to me they ended up with who were way out of their leagues and had no business with. This week is the rundown of people who took L's in their love life and have done so in the worst arena possible, the public spectrum. I'm not doing this to be mean. I'm doing this so that they might learn from their problems and get back on track and push away the plate of drugs they've been overindulging in that has clouded their judgment. The road starts here. Consider this their intervention.

10.) Gary Coleman - The guy went from single to this therefore Gary Lost. Sure Gary Coleman is a washed up little person with a short fuse but he can do better than this. Being single is better than being with this eyesore. That's got to be a loss. Not the biggest loss in the world because he's no prize himself but if you're famous you ought to be with someone no less than a 7. Even if your name is Gary Coleman.

9.) Mac 10-He lost because it's a wonder T-Boz ever was with him in the first place. He was a struggling rapper with little to no shine in the grand scheme of things who nobody checked for and still ended up with someone out of his league like Tionne Watkins. In fact he should have been on the Top 10 Overachievers list he cleaned up so well with her. To make matters worse he beat on her until she finally took their daughter and left his punk ass. The final dagger being that she ended up with a football player that looks like a brown Lurch but ended up being a good dude for her in Takeo Spikes. Mac 10 ended up with nothing. The End. Turned out to be a happy story after all.

8.) Omar Epps - Sanna Lathan > Kim from Total. I don't think anyone in their right mind can deny this one.

7.) Shaq-Shaq lost, not because he was with the eye-popping Shaunie O'Neal, on the contrary. He lost because she embarrassed him during the court proceedings in their separation and how he was a 6 year old child in their joint financial expenditures. This one pains me to say because I've always been on his side and yet here I've had to announce that the Big Aristotle lost and in my previous list that Kobe won. What is the world coming to where I side with 24 over The Diesel? I almost can't bring myself to do it, but I have to call it fair for my readers and it is what it is.

5&6) Nick Cannon & Mariah Carey-She's Mariah Carey and He's Nick Cannon. This is a double loss. This is akin to two heavyweight boxers punching each other at the same time and simultaneously knocking each other out cold. On the surface yes he overachieved because she's anybody but if you take a closer look as corny as Nick Cannon is, and he is most certainly corny, he had Kim Kardashian (a Pre Ray J, unpissed on and ran through commodity), Christina Milian, & Supermodel Selita Banks. A 38 year old Mariah Carey ain't in that class to date let alone wife. Plus this is the best she's going to look. She's not going to get any better. Nick hustled backwards.
Mariah lost because well, she's with this corny nigruh. She's got more money than him, more celebrity than him and can probably still do better than her if she wanted to but Stella got her groove back with the star of Drumline. Losses all around here.

In a year they're gonna have an baby and name the kid something that starts with L.

4.) Ben Affleck-By no means do I think Jennifer Gardner is a bad looking girl. She's actually pretty damn cute. Not a bad catch for an average dude, myself included. Common sense tells me this much. But this is not me we're talking about. This is Ben Affleck. This dude had Jennifer Lopez on his team for a long long time. I mean I'm talking Jennifer Lopez in her prime.

Jennifer Gardner reminds me of that Katt Williams joke in his last HBO special when he was talking about cars, "A Chrystler 300 looks like a Phantom and you feel like you're in a Phantom when you're driving and it's all good and you're feeling yourself when you're riding in it, until you pull up next to an actual Phantom". Gardener is cute but when you compare her to J.Lo, the discussion is over.

3.) Bill Maher-This one hurts even me to type down because Bill has been a vocal leader for leftist causes and has made contributions to the side of decency for years but on the women front you can't wife Karen Steffans and expect to get a pass from me no matter how great your political views are. If you don't recognize her by her government than maybe you will by her nickname, Superhead. She's the Michael Jordan of hoeing. There have been no one whose mastered the art of performing sexual acts for male celebrities than her and Bill Maher paraded her in public as his equal without shame. I don't know what else to call this but a loss. Again, it's one thing to accept her services discreetly behind closed doors and and quietly associate with her oblivious to the public but to make kissy face with her in front of flashing cameras is a cardinal sin. The only reason I'm not completely letting Bill have it is because he's no longer with her. He had a ghost living in his house and exorcised the demon and for good measure sprayed the place with air freshener. I applaud that Bill but the fact that you even went there in the first place stains your character.

2.) Reggie Bush-He's with Kim Kardashian. That's his actual factual girlfriend and if you believe the reports possibly his fiancee. If she'd been born 400 years ago no telling how high her ceiling could be seeing how everyone was having sex and basking in it and it didn't stain you publicly but as of today she's just bedroom company. I'd have my fun with her, of course. No doubt about it. Contraceptives up to my elbows but kissing in public, showing affection in the streets, buying jewelry in stores with, parading around town like she's wifey, naw. That's a loss. That shit was a loss last week, it'll be a loss next week. Reggie need to stop going on blind dates that Nas set up.If you ever have or had aspirations of being President or holding public office, you couldn't wife Kim anyway.
Plus it's rumored that Ray J peed on her in that tape they released several months back but it just never made it to the final cut. Now I don't know about you, and I'm not a prude, but I'm not laying lips on a chick that gets peed on. Girl of my dreams or otherwise. Only time you might could excuse that shit is if the piss in question was from your child when she changed his diapers. other than that, that's a no-go.Even his mans and them got that look on his face like "Damn, this nigga could at least play it off like he was drunk on New Years Eve but he sober as fuck now and he stay losing. Ugh.". She's Superhead with money.

1.) Ursher-He went from Chilli to Tameka Foster. Let me reiterate this, her went from Chilli from TLC, to some mudduck tranny named Tameka Foster. I don't even like this guy or anything concerning what he's done to a generation of girly men. Sure I respect his talent but I haven't liked anything he's put out since "You Make Me Wanna" and that was only because I was a young dumb and impressionable middle schooler going through a personal situation akin to the song but Usher can do better. Usher could have had any single woman in this world and even half the women who were nailed down and as far as my knowledge might still be able to but he went ahead and rolled with his current main chick. I don't know what she has over his head but it must be deep and embarrassing because if you have a pair of eyes you know Chilli was a 10 and Tameka is well, I don't judge dudes. So it's pretty safe to say Usher was going to be high on this list.

Once again, he left this:That L he took will echo in eternity.