Friday, January 16, 2009

If NFL Players/Figures Were Politicians

I had fun with the previous, If NBA Players Were Rappers entry, that I figured why not compare Politicians and NFL Names. So enjoy...

Brett Favre = John McCain

Tough, gritty veterans who you have to tip your hat too for lifetimes of works. Someone though you've lost some respect for this year due to them being pricks. You realize their times were before and since they've come back they haven't exactly been the guys they were beforehand. Lost a ton of stock in '08. Probably need to just go away but most likely won't.

Kurt Warner = Bill Clinton

You have your fondest memories of both in the late nineties. Saw what appeared to be their last hoorah's early 2001 only to see them get back on their grizzly again in 2008. Both old dogs, both don't need to learn new tricks as they seem as effective as ever in the present.

Chad Johnson = Joe Biden

God love 'em you can't not be drawn in by their infectious attitudes and auras regardless of who your allegiances might be too. You smile when you hear them make a witty line, although both do tend to sitck their feet in their mouth at some of the most inopportune times. Skillful but prone to make asses out of themselves. Can't help it.

Any Oakland Raiders QB From 2003 - Present = Sarah Palin

You cannot win with them. Ever. It's just impossible. If you build your franchise on them, it will sink. The competency just isn't there. Best advice is just run the wishbone with no QB or VP and direct snap to the RB or Presidential nominee. Wildcat formation all day if you hope to be successful.

Plaxico Burress = John Edwards

Could have had a big year in 2008 but ended up with yolk all over their faces. Showed promise but took huge embarrassing steps back this year. You can't even begin to rationalize the stupidity in what they did.If only they could have kept their guns from going off in their pants.

T.O = Rod Blagojavich

Lightning rods for controversy. Complete assholes with that walk around with absolutely no shame to their game. Believe that they are the central focus point to things and that they must be taken care of first and foremost. Just total turds.

LT = Hillary Clinton

Have been forces to be reckoned with for a long time but due to circumstance, must take a backseat to the new kid on the block. You have respect for but most likely they worked against you (Fantasy Football & '08 campaign) a lot in the past couple years at some points.

Ben Roethlisburger = Jimmy Carter

Lord only knows how they won big their one time. Just goofy dopes who have no business having that one big win on their resume. Somebody was asleep at the wheel when they reigned.

Bill Belicheck = Richard Nixon

Cheated, got caught trying to peep the other side's plays. Dirty, foul type dudes. They win but nobody likes them.

Joey Porter = Ronald Reagan

Complete jerks with unlikable personalities. Both got shot in the ass because they were such pricks. Both survived. I have no idea why large masses of people like either. Both strong on defense.

Al Davis = Ron Paul

Old white guys who have completely lost their minds. Believe in absolutely no rules. Do and say whatever they want even though it translates to little to no chance run after run. Only fringe elements still support them.

Peyton Manning = Barack Obama

The full story is still miles away from being written but both have the potential to be the best that did it. They have all the tools that any great leader has ever possessed. Both smart, funny, personable, humble and have shown the ability to call audibles depending on how the defense looks to attack them. Can't deny that this '08 season belonged completely to them and both absolutely deserved their accolades this fall.

Jake Delhomme = John Kerry

Had no earthly business being in the big game in '04. In fact, the only discernible difference between the two that year was that one made a boob of himself in one case and in the other case a lot was made about a boob. Either way nobody gave a damn about either one of them since and with good reason. Absolute awful choices for center stage. They've been relegated to career background dudes.

Pacman Jones = Dick Cheney

Has no problem getting into beef or coaxing people in his entourage into engaging in such buffoonery. Men get shot in their presence. Approval ratings are somewhere in the teens right now as nobody likes or will likely employ either going forward in 2009 but they probably don't care as they've made enough money to wallow in from inflicting pain on others anyway.

Rod Marinelli = George W. Bush

Oversaw so many L's over their tenure it looks like the 'L' key got stuck on the keyboard. History will only remember them in infamy as opposed to glory. Every instinct they've ever had has been wrong and they almost never flinched in making them. Decisive and derisive but the good news is their tenures are at an end.

Jerry Jones = Al Sharpton
All he does is rally around troubled black people and champion their causes until they can't be saved.

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