A Couple Hilarious Videos For The Week

The first and most funny thing I've seen in 2009 is this video where this nerd is punished by his mother canceling his World of Warcraft subscription and him finding out and what follows is his brother taping his temper tantrum which is truly a gem that must be witnessed by all. Hat tip to The Grip for this.



The 2nd video is from Omaha, Nebraska where an Arkansas sports reporter is cast among the drunk young fans of LSU who almost nobody outside of Louisiana probably roots for. Anyway I don't ever give them credit for anything but I must give respect where respect is due and this is one funny clip. This reporter had no idea the shitstorm that he was in the eye of, LOL.

Scientist Conducts Experiment To Prove The Soul's Existence [VIDEO]

This is kind of interesting, yet kind of creepy, but all in all interesting work from Dr. MacDougall...

Chinese Man Dies Trying To Catch His GF After She Attempts To Jump From Her Apartment Balcony

A Chinese man was killed last night after trying to catch his suicidal girlfriend as she jumped from the seventh floor of their Quanzhou apartment building in south-eastern China.

The young man, only identified as Wang, tried to break the woman’s fall by holding out his arms, witnesses said. He was killed by the impact of her body landing on top of him, according to Perth Now.


His girlfriend survived the fall, suffering only from bone fractures and other injuries. She was not in critical condition and expected to make a full recovery.

The couple had quarreled before Wang went to the street below to try and persuade his girlfriend not to jump. It was unclear if she plummeted from a ledge or out of a window.

Hospital staffers say the woman appears confused and doesn’t know how she fell.

LOL, this story was dumb even by the internet's standards. So wait, I'm supposed to catch you because you said "Goodbye Cruel World"? Nah. I came up in the game on cartoons. I know what happens when Bugs Bunny drops heavy objects off from great distances above. Daffy gets squashed and the dude is rocking an accordion for a body afterwards. You can only imagine what would happens to a human body in real life. You end up looking like a half squeezed roll of toothpaste. I'd probably stand underneath my girl on some emotional shit for like two seconds after she jumped and right before she hit the ground I'd tell her "Nah, I got some more living to do, Asalamalakum". I wouldn't save her for the same reason I hate all murderous suicidal people: I got to die because your life is fucked up? You want me to go to because life pump faked you out. Life was gassing you from childhood like 'You're about to grow up and go to college and get a masters and you're going to run a business and become successful and sky is going to be the limit' and you believed life.

Now I have to die because life played you? Nope. You jump and you're depending on me to catch you, you're miscalculating. But look at it like this, I'll carry you with me though. No really, when you hit the ground I got some of "you" on my shirt and regrettably it was my favorite shirt. Thanks.

NASA Is Offering $5000 a Month For You to Lie in Bed (Houston, TX)

Need a break from the working, walking, and standing required by the demanding and stressful life you lead?

Well, pack your bags for Houston because NASA wants to pay you $17,000 to stay in bed for 90 straight days.

The bed-rest experiment, to take place in the Human Test Subject Facility of Johnson Space Center, is designed to allow scientists to study some of the effects of microgravity on the human body. We read on the Bed Rest Study website:

Participants will spend 90 days lying in bed, (except for limited times for specific tests) with their body slightly tilted downward (head down, feet up). Every day, they will be awake for 16 hours and lights out (asleep) for 8 hours.

It's unclear, however, whether you'll be allowed to read with a flashlight under the covers.

Jokes aside, astronauts who've spent lengthy stays in space have suffered serious repercussions. Our bodies have evolved mechanisms to deal with a certain amount of gravitational force--namely, the amount present on Earth; reduce g and blood pools in the feet, muscles atrophy and bones lose their density. It can take astronauts (or cosmonauts) months to readjust to the Earth's gravitational force.

If you're still interested, feel free to apply. You'll have to pass the Air Force medical examination standards and take a blood test, which we assume means that you won't have any help from recreational drugs to alleviate the boredom of lying prone for 2,160 hours.

Be honest with yourself, there's no way you could do this even if you needed the cash, lol. If you still think you could hit up Nasa.gov and find the appropriate information.

LMAO @ This Obama Impersonator! Spot on!

LMAO @ This Obama Impersonator! Spot on!

His Aura Was Orange Halloween Special: The Cat With Hands

This shit is wild.

Tired Of Her Obama Signs Being Stolen, Women Paints Obama Seal On Her Lawn

Woman is an O.G. Good shit.

Old school baller: 73-year-old makes the team at Roane State

Ken Mink missed out on his second year of juco basketball 53 years ago when he joined the Air Force. It's something he's always regretted. Today, he's one of the Roane State Raiders and, at 73, possibly one of the oldest collegiate players in history.

And still I think I'd rather have him than Kobe on my team. Definitely rather him come off the bench that Brian Scalabrine, though.

Kudos to the old timers though.

Mother Forced to Drop Toddler 25 Ft. At Amusement Park

Damn, at least the girl's alright.

LPGA Player and Model Anna Rawson Gives Out Cell Phone Number To Fans

LPGA player and model Anna Rawson is probably the first athlete to give out a cell phone number for fans to leave messages and text.

According to the Alabama Press Register, Rawson has found a more personal way to connect with her fan base.

"Only four weeks old, the number — 213-785-7675 — allows her fans to leave personal messages. She said she has started listening to the messages and is going to return some of the calls.

She added she likes the personal touch of the cell phone contact with fans and believes it's a more personal way to keep in touch with them than mailing an autographed photo.

The 5-foot-10 beauty hopes to gain a few more golf fans this week in Mobile as she competes in the Bell Micro event."

Anybody that visits my website and actually calls this woman's phone number is dishonorable. If you don't get the girl's number honestly than you haven't earned the right to call her.

Props to Rawson for doing something original though to help her sport and up her sportperson identification.

Afghanistan Runs An Entire Family Out Of House

LONDON, England (CNN) -- The family of a British soldier serving in Afghanistan has been forced from their home after a poisonous spider hitched a ride back with him and apparently killed their pet dog.

The camel spider's bite is not deadly to humans but can kill small animals.

Lorraine Griffiths and her three children, aged 18, 16, and 4, moved out of their house in Colchester, southeast England, and are refusing to return until the spider is apprehended, the UK Press Association reported.Griffiths told the East Anglian Daily Times that the spider appeared after her husband, Rodney, returned from a four-month tour of duty in Helmand province, the arid southern Afghan frontline in the fight against Taliban extremists.

"My son Ricky was in my bedroom looking for his underwear, and he went into the drawer under my bed, and something crawled across his hand," she told the paper. She said their pet dog Cassie confronted the creature, which they identified on the Internet as a camel spider, but ran out whimpering when it hissed at her."It seems too much of a coincidence that she died at the same time that we saw the spider," she said.The desert-dwelling camel spider, actually an insect rather than an arachnid, can run up to 25 kilometers (15 miles) an hour and reach 15 centimeters (6 inches) in length. Its bite is not deadly to humans but can kill small animals.

Damn, I shouldn't even laugh because I don't fuck with spiders myself but it's just wild that the spider ran an entire household out of it's house. Damn I hate spiders.

Corpse Kept Upright for 3-Day Wake

In news that gives you the creeps...

SAN JUAN, Puerto Rico (Aug. 19) - A Puerto Rican man has been granted his wish to remain standing — even in death. A funeral home used a special embalming treatment to keep the corpse of 24-year-old Angel Pantoja Medina standing upright for his three-day wake.'He Wanted to Be Happy, Standing'


A young man's wish to remain standing in death has been fulfilled. Through a special embalming treatment, Angel Pantoja Medina, left, remained upright in a corner at his mother's home in San Juan, Puerto Rico, for his three-day wake. Here, family members bid goodbye to the 24-year-old Monday.

Dressed in a Yankees baseball cap and sunglasses, Pantoja was mourned by relatives while propped upright in his mother's living room.
His brother Carlos told the El Nuevo Dia newspaper the victim had long said he wanted to be upright for his own wake: "He wanted to be happy, standing."
The owner of the Marin Funeral Home, Damaris Marin, told The Associated Press the mother asked him to fulfill her dead son's last wish.
Medina was found dead Friday underneath a bridge in San Juan and buried Monday. Police are investigating.

Only people of color would do some wild shit like this. I don't give a fuck if it's your dying wish to do this mom. It's not going to happen. You're dead, I'm alive, therefor I get the final say, you know. I'd take it back to the Pulp Fiction line on a nigga if they wanted me to put them in my house post-mortem 'Do you see a sign on the front of my house that says 'Dead Nigga Storage?' You have to believe this story is a step backwards for mankind. Bad bad idea.

Chad Johson Is Insane

According to www.profootballtalk.com:

Bengals wide receiver Chad Johnson was fined $5,000 for wearing “Ocho Cinco” on the back of his jersey before a game in 2006.

To avoid getting fined, Johnson hasn’t done it since then. But Johnson now has a plan for how he can get away with having “Ocho Cinco” spelled out over the “85″ on his back.

We’ve learned that Johnson has taken the first steps in the state of Florida toward legally changing his last name to Ocho Cinco.

Seriously.

If Johnson follows through on this, his actual, legal name will be Chad Ocho Cinco, and the NFL would then (we assume) allow him to put his new last name on the back of his jersey.

From a business standpoint, this might be Chad’s way of picking up some of the extra cash that he wants to make but that the team has said it won’t give him. The jersey would instantly become one of the NFL’s top sellers, and NFL players get a cut of all sales of their jerseys.

In recent interviews, including one on ESPN Monday night, Johnson has made veiled references about future plans that he has said will change the way fans think about him. This is a strange one, to say the least.

He's not officially back in Cincinnati & I's good graces but this is a start.

Washington College Student Survives Entire Summer On 1 Tank Of Gas

CLARK COUNTY, Wash. - Vancouver resident Danni Brancaccio says she doesn't consider herself "super green." But an attempt to save some money on gas has led to an experiment in extreme fuel conservation that would make any tree-hugger proud. She is attempting to drive her car all summer on just one tank of gas. Brancaccio doesn't drive a gas-sipping hybrid and isn't towing around a trailer full of fuel. She drives an average Honda sedan that probably gets good mileage but has not been modified in any way.

With just over a month of summer still left to go, the gas gauge is definitely tilting towards empty. But Brancaccio isn't worried. Like many drivers, she's changed her routine to cut back on buying gas, but it's safe to say she has cut back much more than most people. Typically, she drives her car 1.5 miles to a park-and-ride facility where she gets on a bus with many other commuters and goes to work. She said she drives slower now and uses cruise control when possible to save gas. The difference is that she now arrives an hour early due to the bus schedule.

That's no problem, though, as it gives her time to read."I've read a lot this summer," she said as she relaxed in a lobby before going to work. "I've read about 10 books." Brancaccio also picks up rides from friends and sometimes borrows her mother's car to avoid using her own. But she also walks a lot more and said she's switched from heels to flat shoes for more comfort.She says she still has many other tricks to use to stretch that last quarter-tank to the finish line. She thinks she can drive about 3 miles per day at the most and still make it.

While she said she doesn't consider herself a staunch environmentalist, she "respects the fact that… we need to be wary about what we do" when it comes to fuel use.

Brancaccio is tracking her experiment with her blog.

We here at HAWO salute her efforts in giving the gas companies the finger and while we're not with her in action (fuck riding the bus) we're certainly with her in spirit and fully support the movement she started.

Brett Favre Is Yet Another Victim Of The Madden Curse

I'm going to try and make this simple because there's enough he said/she said aspects and nooks and crannies to this story to go on and on forever without end (much like Favre's career) but in my own humble opinion for what it's worth Brett's probably done enough to be able to say when he's done to the team and not the other way around. You probably could make a case that Brett has gotten into the practice of going into the offseasons the past 3 or 4 years with a gun and a wool skully face mask (think Plies album cover for a visualization) and holds up the Packers year after year on some "This is a stick up" shit and gets liberal with the team's time to decide if he's coming back or not I admit that much but call me a Favre loyalist, but it's not apparent that the team will be as good or dare I say better with Aaron Rodgers than they are/were (gotta get used to using Brett Favre in the past tense since it seems like his career is R.I.P as of this moment) with him. To use a more recent example, when the San Diego Chargers thought Drew Brees was expendable and that Phillip Rivers could match his production that turned out to be a huge miscalculation and who knows if the Chargers could have gotten past the Patriots last year with Drew Brees under center. I think it's fair to say Phillip Rivers is no Drew Brees. I'm not even saying Drew Brees is Brett Favre or that Phillip Rivers is Aaron Rodgers but the point I'm making is that it's dangerous to play this poker game with quarterbacks and the future in calculating known commodities with young upcoming untested gambles. That's all I'm saying. Not to mention Brett took Green Bay and made them relevant over the course of his 16 years in the league and that's got to count for something. Also least we forget how he took this team as recently as last year to the NFL's equivalent of the Final Four in the playoffs.

He's close. He's proven that. Why not give him one more year? Rodgers is my age. He's got all the time in the world. Favre doesn't. If you're that hell bent of sticking it out with Rodgers, trade Favre for equitable value. Get something for him at least rather than see him off or forcing him into retirement for good.

In related news, Stephen A. Smith apparently hates Brett Favre which in this country means he in turn hates America

S.A.S. Favre
Uploaded by bsap11

Basketball Players & White Women

I'm not noting this to be divisive but its paramount to being a black basketball player to be surrounded with white women. In a sense I don't even blame Kobe (for Colorado, at least). White women are gorgeous. LOL. Not that I'm trying to Uncle Ruckus y'all out or anything but they are. Just like every other race of women. And black women this includes y'all so save your hate mail for somebody like OJ. And don't give me that my mother is black so I should be with a black woman like it should be mandatory. That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Why do I have to live my life parallel to my father's life? It's impossible. He liked the Lakers during their three-peat. He paid $0.42/gallon for gas in his life. My dad voted for George W. Bush in one of the elections. He makes his path and I'm walking mine. That should be that.

I digress, the internet is a wonderous place full of music pirating, barely clothed women and sure enough pictures of athletes with white women in public places. Always funny to see whose ugly ass would get no play otherwise cheese for cameras with women who only see a bank account and a fitted. The funniest pictures of the gallery are from these alien looking cats:

LOL it ain't even like the majority of these chicks are dope or anything it's just the principle.

Anyway, more funny pictures here in this Flickr Gallery that some kind soul put together most assuredly for the pleasure of His Aura Was Orange.

Hillary Hints At Possible Obama Assassination For Why She Stays In The Race

This is clumsy, inarticulate and I don't think she meant it and she probably is tired but this is bad and for the first time this campaign process I feel like I may sit out this election for the greater good.

I'm really starting to think short of Obama campaigning with Hacksaw Jim Duggan he's not going to quell the angst America has in voting for a person of color and that there are forces at work here that will likely do him in if he gets too close to the office. People are speaking in too many dog whistles right now. It's just not in this country to elect a non-white man. I'm starting to feel like to support Obama may actually be signing his death warrant. Unfortunately I couldn't support anybody left in the race so I may not even vote. I don't want to make his little girls orphans.

Black people can pay taxes like everybody else, follow the rule of law, work as hard as their white counterparts and earn all the rights afforded to them but being president isn't a realistic goal. Not in this country. Not at this time. It's just not going to happen and it's sad. [ChrisRock] Blacks can't teach their kids when they're young that sky's the limit in America, when you're black the limit is the sky. [/ChrisRock]

My man Keith with his special commentary tonight on this episode:

Minor League Player Traded For 10 Bats

McALLEN (AP) ―

Even though small independent baseball leagues notoriously try to draw fans with promotions like "vasectomy night" and "midget wrestling," these two teams had good reason to swap a right-handed pitcher for 10 bats.

The Calgary Vipers of the Golden Baseball League couldn't get newly signed pitcher John Odom into Canada for immigration reasons. And the Laredo Broncos of the United League were willing to take a cheap gamble on a pitcher.

Oh, and the Vipers really, really wanted some new bats.

And so Odom, about a month after being acquired by a Canadian team, found himself Tuesday on the roster of a team on the Mexican border. All for the price of 10 Prairie Sticks Maple Bats, double-dipped black 34-inch C243 style.

"They just wanted some bats, good bats -- maple bats," Broncos General Manager Jose Melendez said Friday.

According to the Prairie Sticks Web site, their maple bats retail for $69 a piece, discounted to $65.50 for purchases of six to 11 bats.

The Vipers had signed Odom, but it seems Odom had a "minor," but unspecified, criminal record that he did not reveal to immigration officials before they scanned his passport, Vipers President Peter Young said.

Calgary found the Broncos were willing to take Odom, but the Vipers weren't interested in any of the Laredo players. Plus, it would have cost Calgary $1,000 to fly any new player in from Laredo. Laredo offered cash, but Young said that was "an insult."

The bat trade wasn't the first time Calgary tried some creative deal-making. The Vipers once tried to acquire a pitcher for 1,500 blue seats when they were renovating their field, Young said.

As for Odom -- who did not immediately return a call for comment -- he's scheduled to be activated Monday. And he'll get his first start Wednesday, Melendez said.

"It will be interesting to see what 10 bats gets us," he said.