Klansman And Black Man Forge Close Friendship

I'm at a complete loss for words here. Up is down, right is left and I just don't know anymore.

Black People of America, Heed These Laws For November 4th!

From the brilliant mind of e.(big homie!)

Black people, I'm looking at you! I know tomorrow could very well be a special day in the history of negroes and I'm aware that we're fully prepared to rush the playing field in celebration like we just knocked off the number 1 team in the country and in a lot of ways if John McCain is defeated we will have but like my dear brother e reminds us that we should develop a list of acceptable celebrations and behaviors we should probably avoid at least for the first few days:

1. No crying, hugging or shouting ‘Thank you Lord’ at least not in public.

2 No high-fives at least not unless the area is clear and there are no witnesses.

3 No laughing at the McCain/Palin supporters

4 No calling in sick on November 5th. They’ll get nervous if too many of us don’t show up.

5 We’re allowed to give each other knowing winks or nods in passing. Just try to keep from grinning too hard.

6. No singing loudly, We’ve come this Far By Faith (it will be acceptable to hum softly)

7. No bringing of barbecue ribs or fried chicken for lunch in the company lunchroom for at least a week (no chitterlings at all) (this may make us seem to ethnic)

8. No leaving kool-aid packages at the water fountain (this might be a sign that poor folks might be getting a break through)

9. No Cupid Shuffle during breaks (this could indicate a little too much excitement)

10. Please no Moving on Up music (we are going to try to remain humble)

11.No doing the George Jefferson dance (unless you’re in your office with the door closed)

12.Please try not to yell—-BOOOO YAH!

13. Just in case you’re wondering, Doing the Running Man, cabbage patch, or a backhand spring on the highway is 100% okay.

Now that we've gotten that little piece of business out the way, GET YOUR ASSES OUT AND VOTE! DONT WATCH IT HAPPEN MAKE IT HAPPEN!

PS - Do NOT bring any cameras into the voting booth when you vote. It is a felony! Don't be that guy getting hauled off for trying to show facebook that you're cool.

Nearly 60 Percent Of Black Childen Can't Swim

(MSNBC) NEW YORK - Nearly 60 percent of African-American children cannot swim, almost twice the figure for white children, according to a first-of-its-kind survey which USA Swimming hopes will strengthen its efforts to lower minority drowning rates and draw more blacks into the sport.

Stark statistics underlie the initiative by the national governing body for swimming. Black children drown at a rate almost three times the overall rate. And less than 2 percent of USA Swimming's nearly 252,000 members who swim competitively year-round are black.

To the surprise of nobody this study comes out and people hardly bat an eye. I don't think I even heard or read this in the news last week when the study was published. Black people can't swim. Big whoop. Black people and water have never been friendly. Black women will kill someone if they get their hair wet (I know this one first hand as my sister almost caught a case when we were younger and I came at her with a Super Soaker.) Black people strangely don't find themselves victims to sharks very often. Why, you may ask? Because you have to be in the ocean, quite a ways from the beach and no we don't venture that far out. We're either somewhere in air conditioning ignoring summer or if we are outside, we're concentrating more on the women than the wild and waterlife. Damn Media Outlets and News Companies could have came to me if they wanted the real inside track on things black people don't do for less money if they really want to get an inside perspective into black people, but here's a small sample of the data I offer

Dangerous Things Black People Don't Do:

• Own wild pets outside of pitbulls. (i.e Tarantulas, South American/African Snakes)
• Ride Rollercoasters that go upside down or sideways. Too much risk of falling out.
• Investigate strange noises at night. We just don't do that. Horror movies don't catch us slipping.
• Eat what we don't recognize. If we can't readily identify something or we're unsure of whether it will kill us or not we usually err on the side of caution. If I have to offend you and not eat something that could give me a South Argentinian Rectal Bug, so be it.
• Don't do X-Games stunts and tricks. The ground suits us just fine. There's nothing I can do in the air that I can't do on the ground. Besides, I love the faculty of all my limbs. I got too much living to do to be paralyzed. Imagine living the first 20 years of your life normal and without restriction and living the last 60 on a metal chair with wheels. Umm, I'll pass.
• Camp. Nope. No way. No how. Having a toilet, HBO and air conditioning is always better than squatting behind a bush in a hole in the ground with the threat of a spider crawling up my asshole. Going to sleep, with the very real possibility of a live ensemble of Disney characters that might pop up while I was resting would keep me up all night.

Take it from me, an actual factual Negro that all of this is based on proven scientific evidence. Black people complain all day about a whole host of real problems and some made up nonsense but we'd much rather live in a world somewhat against us then be dead and have more problems than the ones life gives us and the ones we perceive. Real talk.